Canada

Gender Neutral Dialect Could Become Canada’s 3rd Official Language

Canada’s Minister of Diversity, Inclusion and Youth, Hon. Kitchendish MoveslikeJagger announced yesterday that the Liberal government will be introducing Bill C-69-4U2 in the House of Commons next month in order to amend the “Official Languages Act”, which could make the “Gender Neutral Dialect” another official language in Canada. Most political scientists are saying that the

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Greta Thundericeberg considered the natural choice to replace Scheer

Ottawa, ON | The Can News Scheer announced his decision at a surprise caucus meeting before heading into the House of Commons. His resignation comes as a direct result of new revelations that he was using Conservative Party money to pay for his children’s private schooling, according to Conservative sources who spoke with the Can

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Trudeau’s New Cabinet: As useless as male nipples

The Can News | Ottawa, ON Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced last week the new members of Cabinet following the swearing-in ceremony. The new cabinet is excessively large, useless and not as diverse as you could imagine. Racial and Gender Breakdown of Trudeau’s New Cabinet Despite its enormous size, the new cabinet not only lacks diversity but also competence.

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BREAKING: Poop Thrower Behind PM’s Blackface Scandal

by The Can News | Toronto, ON | November 27th 2019 Shitzuel Opoku, 28, was arrested near Queen Street West and Spadina Avenue on Tuesday evening, after allegedly throwing multiple buckets of liquefied fecal matter on people over the past few days. Police say the man threw feces on people inside libraries at both the University of Toronto and York University over the last week.

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Don Cherry is the New Face of KFC

The Can News – Ottawa, ON Don Cherry who was fired last week as the longtime face of Hockey Night in Canada after making controversial remarks about Opium poppies, signed today an 8-figure contract with KFC and will be the company’s new face for the next 2 years. According to KFC, the company has been looking for

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Danger in the Air: Canada to Purchase 25 Old Australian Fighter Jets

Canada’s Minister of National Defence Harjet Sings Turban is a Sikh man. He has just approved the purchase of 25 old fighter jets from Australia to be added to the Canadian Air Force. When asked by The Can News about the meaning of this incredible purchase, Mr. Turban said: “Our Liberal government had spent a lot

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How Canada’s New Marijuana Laws Could Affect You

This photo shows you exactly what happens when potheads take their dog & kid for a walk. Don’t expect potheads to take care of your lawn or your snow shovelling when you need it, because they are just potheads living their dreams. Not yours! If you really want their help, just call them if you

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Brutal Beating Of Woman’s Beaver in Small Town Saskatchewan

The brutal beating death of a woman’s beaver outside a bar in Wolseley town is sparking outrage, as the Can News reports: Two drunk women in the small town of Wolseley, SK Canada met outside a bar and decided to go for a fight. Several local people were around them and were watching their fight. The

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Canada tightening borders against Muslims

Minister of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship for the Government of Canada – The Honourable Ahmed D. Hussen (nephew of Saddam Hussein) revealed today that Canada will toughen security along the Canadian border, including all ports of entry (POE) such as airports, seaports, riverports, streamports, creekports, roads and rail crossings on a land border. >> Watch video above: An

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Canadian men are sexually harassed by their curling wives

Three out of four men in Canada feel they have been sexually harassed by their curling wives according to Gallup Canada Consulting. In Manitoba, the numbers are even higher and scarier, where approximately 2 and a half men plus 4 out of 5 male buffalos feel the same kind of harassment at home. When in

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PM Trudeau wants migrant caravan to cross into U.S.

As a caravan of some 4,000 Central American migrants rests in Juchitan, a town 700 kilometres southeast of Mexico City and still many weeks’ walk from the U.S. border, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told President Donald Trump yesterday that he should allow the caravan to cross into U.S. and then be able to keep walking thousands and thousands

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Justin Trudeau – Son of Fidel Castro?

Justin Trudeau or Justin Castro? Watch the video and decide yourself. We want him on the Maury’s show for a DNA test. Maury, Maury, Maury!      

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This dude is not doing his job.

The Can News – Ottawa, ON Canada THIS KID WANTS A TRADE-CARTEL WAR WITH THE UNITED STATES U.S. President Donald Trump said that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is damaging the pot business in America by legalizing marijuana all over Canada. Trump told The Can News yesterday that if Canada continues playing dirty games with the

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J. Conehead is the new NDP Leader

Jag Meets the Conehead (on the picture with his lovely family), the first turban-wearing Sick to sit in Ontario’s legislature, will now lead a federal political party with his victory in the NDP leadership race on Sunday. Mr. Conehead, 38, won on the first ballot Sunday, taking 53 per cent of the vote to top

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Canadian Passports to have ‘X’ gender

By the end of the month, you will be allowed to have a neutral gender on your Canadian passport and immigration documents. The Ministry of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship announced that a new gender designation, “X,” for those who don’t identify as male or female, will be available starting Aug. 31. It’s the latest in

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Mad Cow crisis in Alberta

Alberta Alcoholics Anonymous

Alberta, the largest beef producer in our country is facing another mad cow crisis.  For the first time in history, the mad cow disease wasn’t caused by a virus, but instead it was triggered by the sadness of thousands of cows in Alberta who have developed psychological problems due to the increase of interest rates on the

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What do Canadians want in the Federal Budget?

The Conservatives’ 2011 budget died last week when the government fell following a non-confidence vote last Friday, clearing the way for a May election. The Conservatives said their proposed budget would live on in their election platform. Is the Conservative budget good enough for Canadians? What about the other parties? Are they ready to propose

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Elections Canada 2011 – Charlie Harper will support his brother Stiff Harper

The Harper Brothers

ELECTIONS CANADA 2011 – Charlie Harper will be supporting and working for Prime Minister Stiff Harper’s 2011 campaign. Charlie will be in charge of all campaign jingles and also will be organizing after hours parties for the Conservative crew. According to Charlie, a 24/7 hookers and babysitting program will be available for the Conservative party

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