The Can News

North America

Minority Groups Demand “White House” Name & Color Change

In a conference held in a small town in Switzerland, minority groups expressed their opinions about the “White House” name and decided that the name applied to the Washington, DC Presidential White House should be changed.

“The conference itself was not enough to decide yet what name and color the White House would have in the future, but it was helpful to point the directions it will be going in regards to its new color and name” said “Black Lives Matter” spokesperson Jay Brown.

According to our sources, the minority groups have decided on the name and color change of the presidential house in Washington, DC, because they think the name and color used since it was built is extremely racist and leans toward the white majority. “And it is not acceptable…” said the president of the USA LGBT community.

You’ll see below pictures of the minorities’ project proposals for the white house’s names and colors change. During the conference, there were some projects presented such as the Black project, the LGBT project and the Pink Girls project… Please click on the images to view the new projects presented.

Danger in the Air: Canada to Purchase 25 Old Australian Fighter Jets

Canada’s Minister of National Defence Harjet Sings Turban is a Sikh man. He has just approved the purchase of 25 old fighter jets from Australia to be added to the Canadian Air Force.

When asked by The Can News about the meaning of this incredible purchase, Mr. Turban said: “Our Liberal government had spent a lot in the Cannabis, same-sex marriage, gay parades and other important businesses, and now our military budget has been compromised”.

The Liberal government originally announced it would buy 18 used Australian F-18 jets to augment the Royal Canadian Air Force’s CF-18s until new aircraft can be purchased in the coming years.  But it has added seven more used Australian F-18 aircraft to the deal.

One of the fighter jets to be purchased from Australia were flown by Crocodile Dundee in his 1988 movie. Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee himself) told the Can News: “G’day! Ow ya goin’ mate?”.

The Minister of National Defence, Mr. Turban also said that these fighter jets were purchased to patrolling the air space of all elementary schools across Canada’s territory.

The lack of military fighter jets’ pilots is no longer an issue for Canada’s air space defence. We have hired school’s bus drivers with a lot of experience in drugs to fly those planes. These new pilots only smoke pot before and after their flights, but never when they’re flying. These guys are the snoop dogs of the future, they are able to spot drugs around any school zone from the air while flying over these schools” – added Mr. Turban.

 

American Large-Breasted Women Will Pay More Taxes

Economy/feature/North America by

American large-breasted women will pay higher taxes when purchasing dairy products. President Donald Trump has signed an executive order targeting all women with big boobs in the United States.

Trump said that they need to pay more taxes on dairy products because they already have great milk resources, and buying more is not only wasting domestic milk derived products, but also these women are competing directly against the American dairy producers. “And it’s a shame for our local economy” adds Trump.

Journalists and other critics of the U.S. government said Trump signed that order to specifically cause financial harm to Stormy Daniels who recently put him and his credibility under scrutiny by the public opinion and the justice system.

On the other hand, American dairy farmers are celebrating the new law across the country. Ron Scow from Minnesota said that the president finally targeted the real enemies of the United States, and they are these American big-breasted women who produce 40% of the American milk and weren’t paying any taxes. “Canadian dairy farmers are just a joke comparing to these women…” added Ron.

The Can News tried to contact Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael AveNazy, but he is in prison at the moment for domestic violence. Confidential sources have said that he spanked his wife because she wasn’t providing enough milk for the family.

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North Korean Leader’s son sends a strong message to Barron Trump

Asia/North America/Politics/World by

The son of Kim Jong-un, the young and restless Ping Pong-huh sent a strong and aggressive message yesterday to Trump’s son – Barron Trump “Little Donald”. The video message sent in Korean (watch original video above) was translated to English and published by the main stream media world wide.

Read the message transcription (by Reuters): ” If the United States don’t build a McDonalds™ here in North Korea in the next 2 months, we will strike Y’all with fury, and we will execute great vengeance upon you with furious rebukes; and you shall know that I am the LORD, when I shall lay my vengeance upon you!” said Ping Pong-huh.

Reaction of Big and Little Trump while watching the video message sent by North Korea Leader’s son.

PM Trudeau wants migrant caravan to cross into U.S.

As a caravan of some 4,000 Central American migrants rests in Juchitan, a town 700 kilometres southeast of Mexico City and still many weeks’ walk from the U.S. border, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told President Donald Trump yesterday that he should allow the caravan to cross into U.S. and then be able to keep walking thousands and thousands of miles more in American territory until their safe arrival in Canada.

This is the Canadian spirit, we always welcome international refugees and despite the fact that some might be terrorists, Canada is always willing to cut them a big cheque.” said Trudeau.

In case Mr. Trump accepts Trudeau’s request, the Canadian government in partnership with Tim Horton’s and the U.N. will set thousands of tents serving coffee and poutine to the migrants along their way to Canada. Tim Horton’s spokesperson Timmy Cofeeman Jr. said their company is launching 2 new products to specifically attend the caravan migrants needs: The Caravan Caramel Latte™ and Timbit of-a-Walk-Ahead Poutine™, both by Tim Horton’s.

There’s nothing more Canadian than a Timmy’s double double with poutine!” added Prime Minister Trudeau.

This dude is not doing his job.

The Can News – Ottawa, ON Canada

THIS KID WANTS A TRADE-CARTEL WAR WITH THE UNITED STATES

U.S. President Donald Trump said that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is damaging the pot business in America by legalizing marijuana all over Canada.

Trump told The Can News yesterday that if Canada continues playing dirty games with the U.S., he will increase tariffs on all cocaine, meth and heroin exported to Canada by 87% starting next month.

This spoiled pot-head kid Justin, a follower of Bob Marley’s smoking habits, must be stopped at all costs!” said president Trump.

Canada’s Marijuana Market Now Largest In The World – Watch Video

 

 

 

Canadian Passports to have ‘X’ gender

Canada/North America/Politics by

By the end of the month, you will be allowed to have a neutral gender on your Canadian passport and immigration documents.

The Ministry of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship announced that a new gender designation, “X,” for those who don’t identify as male or female, will be available starting Aug. 31.

It’s the latest in a series of policy changes supported by Bill C-16, which defends the rights of transgender people and makes it illegal to discriminate based on “gender identity or expression.”

“It’s good news for all Canadians” said PM Just True Though yesterday.

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