CRA Partners with Ukrainian Cartel to Ease Flow of War Funding

Taxpayers offered option to pay directly to Ukraine cash hoarders

The Can News – Ottawa

The Canada Revenue Agency (CRA) is cutting themselves out as a cash-flow middle-man for the Ukraine-Russia War.

CRA spokesperson Gimmy Urmoney (pronounced Jimmy, but spelled with a ‘G’ as a first step towards gender affirmation) says the initiative provides Canadians an opportunity to have a real impact on the Ukraine effort in their conflict versus Russia.

“Billions of dollars have been invested in the Ukrainian fight and there’s no sense in stopping now,” Urmoney said “This mechanism for the 2024-2025 tax years allows each individual Canadian to give that little bit more.”

The initiative will allow Canadians to have their taxes tabulated and paid to Ukrainian oligarchs within the Ukrainian Tax Ministry.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky (back) is sending 130 Ukrainian Tax Cartel (UTC) collectors to Canada this Spring. They will include superintendents Ygor Pavlovski, Ivan Rubintukkoff and Mike Smith-Trudeau (pictured).

“There is nothing more Canadian than sacrificing food and shelter for the greater good; this time the greater good is Ukraine,” Urmoney said. “Putin must be stopped. Just last week, he had an apple tree killed for looking at him funny.”

Virtuous Canadians can easily participate in the Ukrainian war effort by simply checking the pehrogie-shaped box at the top of their tax return. Ukrainian Men-in-Black agents will reach out before March 15, 2023.

Ukranian National Tax Cartel members protecting their own private bank in Kiev, capital of Ukraine.

Stuart Framer, an Alberta-based mixed farm producer, recently sold his 1980 Ford Ranger to purchase a week’s worth of groceries.

“Putin ain’t done nuttin’ to me and our udders are already dry. Trudeau locked in the tax-sucking teat cups in 2015. They plowed our bank accounts empty four years ago already,” he said.

“What do I think? I think Ukraine has been a drain on the final few cents we all got. I’m certain SNC-Lavalin, the Trudeau Foundation and (NDP Leader) Jagmeet Singh’s Rolex watch collection should hold them over – until Russia runs them over.”

Fauci: U.S. Forces should not be sent to Ukraine until all Russian troops are “fully vaccinated”

Fully vaccinated and masked soldiers ready to leave U.S. soil

CDC’s Dr. Anthony Fauci strongly urges President Biden to not send U.S. Forces to Ukraine until all Russian troops are “fully vaccinated” and “double-masked”.

Washington, DC: Tensions have soared in recent weeks, as the United States and its NATO allies expressed concern that a buildup of about 100,000 Russian troops near Ukraine signaled that Moscow planned to invade its ex-Soviet neighbour.

During a press conference this morning, Dr. Anthony Fauci – Chief Medical Advisor to the President of the United States said this is not the best time for the U.S. military engage in a war against Russia. According to Dr. Fauci, Russia is not following the ROE-19 (Covid – Rules of Engagement) protocols implemented by the CDC last November. Currently, 95% of Russian troops are not double-vaccinated and 100% of their military personnel won’t wear masks in case of a war.

“This war could be unfair and ugly if Russia refuses to follow the CDC guidelines. Going to a war against the Russians under these circumstances could open the doors for new Covid variants, and put American soldiers’ lives at unnecessary risk in overcrowded field hospitals in the war zone. And I don’t think our soldiers are prepared for this kind of ordeal…” said Dr. Fauci.

“American troops could be decimated by maskless and unvaccinated Russian soldiers even before the first shot is fired…” added Dr. Fauci.

Dr. Anthony Fauci also recommended that in case of a war, troops must keep their 6ft social distance at all times before, during and after battles. “The worst thing that can happen during a war is having our troops coughing or sneezing around the enemies. And if you don’t have a tissue, cough or sneeze into your elbow, not your hands, soldier!” – Faucy commented.

Fauci: American troops could be decimated by maskless and unvaccinated Russian soldiers even before the first shot is fired…

ROE-19 Sanitary Guidelines

As per ROE-19 sanitary guidelines, all military weapons and equipment (except for weapons of mass destruction) must be cleaned and sanitized at all times. In addition to routine cleaning, these armaments must be kept 6ft away from enemies. Shared spaces such as barracks, buffer zones, dugouts and trenches should be cleaned and disinfected more often using surface virucidal disinfectants, such as 0.05% sodium hypochlorite (NaClO) and products based on ethanol. 

The U.S. Department of Defense’s spokesperson told The Can News that they will review Dr. Fauci’s recommendations and the ROE-19 protocols prior to sending the troops to Ukraine. “During war times, “safety” is our major concern…” said the DOD spokesperson.

“Mother Russia’s soldiers will only take shots of vodka, and that’s not negotiable…” – said Vladimir Putin

Photos below: Fully-vaccinated and masked, American troops are following all ROE-19 protocols


Photo: Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Dr. Theresa Tam during a press conference this afternoon

Ottawa: Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Theresa Tam just confirmed that Canada will be following Dr. Anthony Fauci’s ROE-19 protocols and will not send their troops to Ukraine until all Russian soldiers are fully-vaccinated and completely masked.

“It’s a risk we are not willing to take…” said Dr. Tam.

Dr. Tam went even further to say that Canadian troops engaged in a war will also be required to wear masks during sexual intercourse in the barracks and/or trenches. “You know, casual sex is very common in times of war. Doesn’t matter if your partner is a rank above you or below you, or if your partner likes being on the top, or under… the important thing is that all military sexual partners should wear masks during sex despite the number of partners involved… it could be just a couple of soldiers, or a senior officers’ threesome, or even an army swing party…who knows?”

Watch below Dr. Theresa Tam’s video explaining the importance and effectiveness of wearing a mask during sex intercourse.

Video credit: Ben Bankas – Dr. Theresa Tam’s video explaining the importance and effectiveness of wearing a mask during sex intercourse.

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