Continued Biden gaffes put Democrats on corpse-abuse notice

‘Mexican president Mitterand told me he’ll open Gaza for the free flow of hummus.’ – US President Snooze-Button Biden

The Can News – Washington, DC

US President Joe “Snooze-Button” Biden – America’s first sitting, unalive leader – is not feeling well.

Although already dead when the Democrat Party pushed him as presidential nominee in 2020, his condition has declined to the point where handlers can’t get him to walk, talk or think of anything other than Rocky Road ice cream. Political talk-holes across the country are saying it’s no different than when former President and High Grand MAGA Puba Donald Trump misspeaks. In Biden’s case, many media outlets suggest that making fun of the elderly – no matter how alive – was subhuman.

“Trump is still fair game,” one noted. “He’s old, but he ain’t dead yet.”

Meanwhile, the Democratic Party apparatchik remains committed to propping up Snooze-Button’s corpse for another five years. Conservative tongue twirlers say the party has become a political cult with no ethical or moral standards.

Biden recently confused the terrorist group, Hamas, with the Middle Eastern condiment dip, hummus; a thick dip or spread made from ground chickpeas, sesame seeds, olive oil, lemon, and garlic.

When asked for clarification, he responded, “Huh? C’mon, man? I can spell Bob. There’s an ‘A,’ an ‘O,’ and a ‘C.’ Whaddya think I’m stupid. Top of my college class, buddy.”

Bidens begin dirt-bed preparations

The Biden family and friends are selling Snooze-Button-themed memoir and music recording, “A Momentary Lapse of Memory” to raise funding for a yet-to-be scheduled funeral. Rumors currently suggest

Donations to the noble cause can be made at The Biden’s family has already thanked supporters of the fundraiser with a statement saying this will enable them to put new flooring in their Nantucket mansion.

Democrats are seeking a more powerful preservative to ensure his availability through the 2024 U.S. Election this fall, however.

Regardless of which direction Lifeless Joe is foisted, we at The Can News, sincerely wish the very best to the sitting, dead President of the United States. We also hope the Democratic Party alongside its secret cabal of puppeteers decide to allow Snooze-Button to punch that alarm clock one last time so he can rest in peace.

Speculators have already come up with a shortlist of candidates to replace him should Democrats decide his smell becomes unbearable. In the running are Kahlua-loving U.S. Vice-President Kamala Harris; anti-white, white businessman Mark Cuban; and the ghost of 1970s prop comic Gallagher.

Trans Bud Light ends transition: Returning to manhood

“Beer drinkers were confused by the idea of drinking a beer that didn’t identify as beer. What the hell were they drinking?” – Ron Smith, Beverage Marketing Specialist.

The Can News – St. Louis, Missouri

In the summer of 2023, beer-drinking starter kit BUD LIGHT came out of the closet to show the world its new, fresh, queer, taste and pride. Beer drinkers reacted almost immediately and Trans Bud Light’s sales plummeted.

“Beer drinkers were confused by the idea of drinking beer that didn’t identify as beer. What the hell were they drinking?” said Ron Smith, a veteran beverage industry psychological analyst.

Light-beer drinkers rejected the transition after Trans Bud Light entered the market. Many chose the slightly less-liberal brand, “Gay Beer,” with its now-famous tagline “Light as a Fairy”. Trans Bud Light went on to lose 64 per cent of its market share to the San Francisco-based competitor.

Gay Beer had long been the favourite brew among the LGB community, the only demographic among Alphabet People that drinks beer. The rest, said Smith, prefer to ruin the party, jealous that their refusal to consume gluten excludes them from the fun.

Anheuser-Busch’s US marketing chief may step down following Bud Light sales plunge

Trans Bud Light-maker Anheuser-Busch InBev struggled in the American market after a conservative-led boycott quelled their attempt to penetrate transitioning people. Drunk on their own product and high on Portland Passion mushrooms, corporate board members failed to see the consquences of their actions soon enough. Insiders suggest they were also distracted by the daily, free pole dance performances by grateful A/C to D/C dancers.

This week, the company has instructed Trans Bud Light managers to return the beer’s identity to its previous incarnation, catering to sports enthusiasts, cattlemen and heterosexual orgy organizers.

“It’s time to re-reassign Bud Light’s gender reassignment so I don’t have to resign,” said Brendan Curry, Anheuser-Busch InBev CEO. “We made a mistake. We listened to the peanut gallery and before we found out they were nuts with no nuts, it was too late.”

Anheuser-Busch InBev is spending millions of dollars trying to return Trans Bud Light back to Bud Light. This effort includes a Super Bowl 2024 advertisement featuring anti-woke comic Shane Gillis alongside retired NFL superstar Peyton Manning, UFC CEO Dana White and pop music sensation Post Malone. All were expected to have their penises intact during the new spot.

Do you think it’s gonna work? Please let us know.

To view the images below, please click on them.

‘Chucky’ Jean-Pierre Now Identifies as Nine-Year-Old, White Boy

Gay, black White House Press Secretary assumes new personality to battle contentious media gallery. Deems all anti-Biden questions as child abuse. 

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Frustrated by a growing chorus of negative presidential media coverage, White House Press Secretary Chucky Jean-Pierre (his previous name is now dead), has come out as an infantilist.
Besides being gay, female and black, the embattled spokesperson claimed on Friday he is a precocious, nine-year-old, white boy with all of its “privilege and acclaim, including your lack of respect for questioning anything I say, you meanies,” he said during his reveal in front of the White House Press Corp.
“I have been deprived of the true privilege I deserve of a white person due to the color of my skin,” said Jean-Pierre, who has incorporated a novel wardrobe of jumpsuits, long-sleeve tee-shirts and two mini-potatoes for his boxer-briefs. “Don’t let my vagina fool you. Just because the stick isn’t there doesn’t mean I don’t have balls. And I can prove it.”
Jean-Pierre paid particular attention to long-time rival and Fox News White House correspondent Pretty Peter Doocy during her announcement.
“And you, Mister,” he said, flipping a middle finger in Doocy’s direction. “Suggest I’m a liar again and we’ll take it to the playground sumo-style. I’m now a three-time victim; I’m gay, I’m black and I’m an undersized, white boy. But I’ll still take you down, Douchy.”

President Snooze-Button not concerned about Chucky’s evolution

An hour later, United States President Snooze-Button Biden mumbled, burped and gagged when asked about Jean-Pierre’s announcement.

“Always knew that girl had balls. It’s why I hired her in the first place. Plus her hair smelled like fresh tuna,” Biden said before entering his helicopter for his daily Dippin Dots treat.

“Now she’s a he, what about it, man? C’mon. The only loss I see is I can’t smell that hair anymore. Mhmmm. Fresh, natural tuna.”

Some political analysts suggest this is a keen political move considering a rumor that voter laws will allow all humans within American borders on election day to cast a vote.

“They might be chasing that new, key five-to-nine year old demographic, which is smart,” said former Democratic strategist, Rick Ratface. “Why do you think the President is seen eating ice cream all the time? I think that was an important signal that they are one step ahead of the Republicans in making the U.S. a world leader again; through the bendable will of our youth.”

Trudeau wants Hamas to build the underground pipelines in Canada

OTTAWA: The Canadian government is currently in negotiations with Hamas – Palestinian group of terrorists fighting to eliminate Israel – to finally start building our country’s pipelines. These pipelines are something that most Canadians have been waiting for several years. “Well, now this is not a dream anymore, because Hamas has a lot of experience building tunnels underground and they can help Canada building its pipelines”, said Trudeau.

Canada’s Prime Minister Trudeau also added that this is a very good deal for Canadians considering Canada is not paying a dime to Hamas. “We don’t have to pay them anything, all they want is to dig holes like beavers and gophers, and having a refugee status in our country and Canadian passports for each one of their fighters, their wives, their relatives, and their friends (max of 10 friends per family)” said the Canadian Minister of Infrastructure.

“These pipelines built by Hamas will only be used to transport exclusively organic products like tomatoes and marijuana…”

– Justin Trudeau

Canada’s PM Justin Trudeau told the activist and leftwing media that these pipelines will never be used for oil or gas, or any fossil fuels because Canada is going 100% green! “These pipelines built by Hamas will only be used to transport exclusively organic products like tomatoes and marijuana.” said the PM.

The radical leftwing, terrorist and separatist East-Indian, who has been banned to ever enter India again, Jagmeet Singh, leader of the communist NDP party in Canada, agrees with Trudeau and his Liberal corrupt government. “The NDP and the Liberals have an agreement, and we will keep our word!”

“We the NDP agree with Hamas building our tunnels, I mean our pipelines… We will be supporting the Liberal party as far as they understand these tunnels are only for organic products, like tomatoes, marijuana, hummus, cocaine, ham and chicken. No pork will be sent down this tunnels.”

– Jagmeet Singh,

Study: Getting Kicked in the Balls Hurts More than Childbirth says University Professor

Studies at the University of Calgary, Canada have shown that women across the world have been exaggerating their pain when it comes to childbirth…

The Can, Calgary AB, Canada

Studies at the University of Calgary, Canada have shown that women across the world have been exaggerating their pain when it comes to labour.

In a recent study led by Dr. Thomas Ballsy – Calgary University, 250,167 women have been interviewed worldwide about their pain during labour. At the same time, Dr. Ballsy interviewed 261,051 men around the world about their pain when getting their balls kicked in.

This study by Dr. Thomas Ballsy have shown us that “Getting kicked in the balls hurts more than childbirth” is creating a debate, addressing controversial issues, and mostly, causing conflicts between husbands and wives worldwide.

When I had my balls kicked by my spouse, I had to go for serious psychologic treatments… These sessions costed me a fortune and I still can’t figure out what she was trying to do with my balls… The pain was unforgetful…

  • Jon Dylan

Although, the majority of women around the world say the childbirth’s pain is the worst one in the world, the majority of the men interviewed said that there is no pain like being kicked in the balls.

In order to finalize his studies, Dr. Thomas Ballsy had to ask a fundamental question to these 2 groups of people (men and women). He asked them only one question, and the question was the same for both men and the women.

Ahh! Aaaaaah! I hate my hubby for putting this child inside me! Peter, my darling, please tell my husband I don’t want to see him ever again!” she said…

Dr. Thomas Ballsy asked the women:

Would you ever have a child again?

73% responded: YES

Then Dr. Ballsy asked the men:

Would you ever have your balls kicked again?

100% responded: NO

According to all this research done by the University of Calgary, we The Can can finally conclude that there is no pain like a kick in the balls!! That’s all for now folks!

After all these answers, there is no need for more controversial issues, we are on the same boat, and I will kick you in the balls and make your girlfriend pregnant! Woo-hoo, Willie!

  • Nelson Ned

Nelson Ned

Fauci: U.S. Forces should not be sent to Ukraine until all Russian troops are “fully vaccinated”

Fully vaccinated and masked soldiers ready to leave U.S. soil

CDC’s Dr. Anthony Fauci strongly urges President Biden to not send U.S. Forces to Ukraine until all Russian troops are “fully vaccinated” and “double-masked”.

Washington, DC: Tensions have soared in recent weeks, as the United States and its NATO allies expressed concern that a buildup of about 100,000 Russian troops near Ukraine signaled that Moscow planned to invade its ex-Soviet neighbour.

During a press conference this morning, Dr. Anthony Fauci – Chief Medical Advisor to the President of the United States said this is not the best time for the U.S. military engage in a war against Russia. According to Dr. Fauci, Russia is not following the ROE-19 (Covid – Rules of Engagement) protocols implemented by the CDC last November. Currently, 95% of Russian troops are not double-vaccinated and 100% of their military personnel won’t wear masks in case of a war.

“This war could be unfair and ugly if Russia refuses to follow the CDC guidelines. Going to a war against the Russians under these circumstances could open the doors for new Covid variants, and put American soldiers’ lives at unnecessary risk in overcrowded field hospitals in the war zone. And I don’t think our soldiers are prepared for this kind of ordeal…” said Dr. Fauci.

“American troops could be decimated by maskless and unvaccinated Russian soldiers even before the first shot is fired…” added Dr. Fauci.

Dr. Anthony Fauci also recommended that in case of a war, troops must keep their 6ft social distance at all times before, during and after battles. “The worst thing that can happen during a war is having our troops coughing or sneezing around the enemies. And if you don’t have a tissue, cough or sneeze into your elbow, not your hands, soldier!” – Faucy commented.

Fauci: American troops could be decimated by maskless and unvaccinated Russian soldiers even before the first shot is fired…

ROE-19 Sanitary Guidelines

As per ROE-19 sanitary guidelines, all military weapons and equipment (except for weapons of mass destruction) must be cleaned and sanitized at all times. In addition to routine cleaning, these armaments must be kept 6ft away from enemies. Shared spaces such as barracks, buffer zones, dugouts and trenches should be cleaned and disinfected more often using surface virucidal disinfectants, such as 0.05% sodium hypochlorite (NaClO) and products based on ethanol. 

The U.S. Department of Defense’s spokesperson told The Can News that they will review Dr. Fauci’s recommendations and the ROE-19 protocols prior to sending the troops to Ukraine. “During war times, “safety” is our major concern…” said the DOD spokesperson.

“Mother Russia’s soldiers will only take shots of vodka, and that’s not negotiable…” – said Vladimir Putin

Photos below: Fully-vaccinated and masked, American troops are following all ROE-19 protocols


Photo: Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Dr. Theresa Tam during a press conference this afternoon

Ottawa: Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Theresa Tam just confirmed that Canada will be following Dr. Anthony Fauci’s ROE-19 protocols and will not send their troops to Ukraine until all Russian soldiers are fully-vaccinated and completely masked.

“It’s a risk we are not willing to take…” said Dr. Tam.

Dr. Tam went even further to say that Canadian troops engaged in a war will also be required to wear masks during sexual intercourse in the barracks and/or trenches. “You know, casual sex is very common in times of war. Doesn’t matter if your partner is a rank above you or below you, or if your partner likes being on the top, or under… the important thing is that all military sexual partners should wear masks during sex despite the number of partners involved… it could be just a couple of soldiers, or a senior officers’ threesome, or even an army swing party…who knows?”

Watch below Dr. Theresa Tam’s video explaining the importance and effectiveness of wearing a mask during sex intercourse.

Video credit: Ben Bankas – Dr. Theresa Tam’s video explaining the importance and effectiveness of wearing a mask during sex intercourse.

> Click here to go to The Can News home page

Study: Mask Use Prevented Covid-19 From Spreading In The Wild West

According to recent scientific studies completed at the University of California that were led by Professor PhD. MD D.Sc. D.M.Sc M.P.H. M.S.Chem. MMed Dr. James Coroner, the continuous use of mask by cowboys and bad guys in the Old West was the key to prevent the coronavirus spreading among our ancestors.

The scientific research has also shown that bullets killed more people in the Wild West than Covid-19 and pneumonia combined. Another factor that helped prevent the spread was the practice of social distancing during gunfights, said Prof. Coroner.

Tombstone’s Newspaper ad from 1870

BREAKING: Hunter Biden’s Laptop Was Used To Pay Off Outstanding Debt At Crack House

The Can News – Delaware, U.S.A.

Hunter Biden’s laptop computer was left by him at a Crack House as payment for his outstanding drug debt one week before it was dropped off by someone else at a Delaware’s repair shop in April 2019. (Scroll down to read more…)

Crack House in the suburbs of Delaware where Hunter Biden left his laptop as payment for his outstanding debt.
Crack House’s basement where Hunter Biden’s drug dealer was living in 2019

According to our sources, the mysterious man who left the MacBook Pro laptop at the repair shop was Mr. Thomas Giggles, a.k.a. Tommy Crackhead. Tommy was under the influence when he visited the repair shop, and he though it was a pawn shop and was trying to get $1,000 for the computer. The repair shop’s owner told Mr. Crackhead that he would be charged $2,000 to get the laptop fixed, and that is why Tommy ran away from the repair shop and left the computer behind.

“Dude, for real… I thought I was in a pawn shop, not a f…ing computer repair joint…” – said Thomas Giggles, a.k.a. Tommy Crackhead who collected Hunter Biden’s laptop as payment.

Both the computer and hard drive were seized by the FBI in December, after the shop’s owner says he alerted the feds to their existence.

Hunter Biden’s MacBook Pro laptop seized by the F.B.I. in December 2019
One of Hunter Biden’s photos recovered from his laptop in December 2019

Documentary shows why U.S. President refused aid from Australian PM during COVID-19 crisis

A new Netflix™ short documentary shows why the United States’ president refused aid from Australian prime minister during COVID-19 crisis.

© Documentary created by Kacey Baker/Bay Rock Films and produced by Netflix™

Watch the documentary below and find out why the American president couldn’t accept help from the Aussie prime minister.


STAY HOME SAFE  – New documentary created by Bay Rock Films and produced by Netflix™

Adam Sandler’s rectile dysfunction drug could be used to treat coronavirus patients

The pharmaceutical company AdPfizer which exposed American actor Adam Sandler’s rectile dysfunction problem on a TV commercial aired in the United States last year, has its scientists developing a new drug with the main components of RECTIX™ to treat Coronavirus patients. 

The clinical trials with over 6,000 ill patients have shown that the new drug CORANUS™ (large pill rectal administrated) has cured 91% of the patients where 50% were male and 41% were female patients. Only 23% of these 50% male patients have became addicted to this “suppository style” drug and have divorced their wives a few days after leaving the hospital.

For further information, WATCH THE RECTIX™ TV COMMERCIAL below.


Trump calls Trudeau “black-faced”, “scumbag”, “son of Castro”…

The Can News | London, UK

President Donald Trump blasted Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as “black-faced”, “scumbag”, “son of Castro” on Wednesday after Trudeau was caught on an open mic with other world leaders discussing the NATO meeting in London and referencing Trump’s “orange colour”.

The video, which quickly went viral online, showed Trudeau, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, French President Emmanuel Moron and others speaking at a Buckingham Palace reception.

The video begins with Johnson looking toward French President Moron and asking, “Why did he miss the Afternoon Tea with the Queen?”

Trudeau jumped in, “He doesn’t do high teas, he is an orange Crush kinda guy… Just like you Boris”. And they all laughed.

After a cut in the footage, Trudeau adds, “He is more orange than you are, Boris. He must eat a lot of Cheetos too…”

He doesn’t do high teas, he is an orange Crush kinda guy… said Trudeau

Orange is the new Black…

“I might be orange, but he sure has a black face” said Trump about Trudeau.

“Well, he’s black-faced, “scumbag” and “son of Castro…” Trump said of Trudeau alongside German Chancellor Angela MarxWell on Wednesday. “And honestly with Trudeau he’s a nice guy, but the truth is he is son of Fidel Castro and I guess he’s not happy about it. I wouldn’t…”

“I am an orange-faced guy and he is a black-faced dude, but that’s the way it is,” Trump said. 

Is the Cuban dictator Fidel Castro the real father of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau?

Watch the video and decide yourself, but we think Trudeau should go on Maury’s TV Show and get DNA tested. Just in case…

Justin Trudeau or Justin Castro? Watch the video and decide yourself.

New Procedure to Change Skin Colour Can Overcome Racism

The revolutionary new DIY procedure to change skin colour created by dermatologist Dr. Hijab Patel can overcome racism, said PhD psychologist Prof. Rosacea Eczema during interview yesterday.

> Watch the DIY Video Tutorial and get the colour skin you want. *As seen on TV

Watch the DIY Video Tutorial and get the colour skin you want


Trudeau sent a very strong message to Saudi Arabia:

We’ll strike you with fire & fury using our Tweeter messages, and we will decimate you until you beg for your PJs.” said Canada’s Prime Minister.

Canada’s PM J. Trudeau has just confirmed that Canada’s twitter forces will attack Saudi Arabia at any given moment. PM Trudeau said that tweets are going to be sent straight to their souls and hearts and will eliminate all the targets.

When asked about if it was a real war or just a tweeter war, Prime Minister Trudeau said: “This is a real war against Saudi Arabia”. Trudeau also added: “We as Canadians, and Liberals believe that wars don’t need to be won. We just want that the war on words, tweeter words for example, are enough to eliminate a country which is against our principles and morals; and we will fight for that”.

CANADA SECRET WAR PLAN: The Can News’ reporters went further and beyond to find out about the secret plan: Because Canada doesn’t have any military equipment or weapons to fight a war against Saudi Arabia, the Liberals decided that the best war would be on Twitter… So, Canada has hired hundreds of Social Media Experts to fight Saudi Arabia. “Words war”, that’s what said Minister of National Defence Harjet Sings Turban.

Let’s clap our hands!!

Minority Groups Demand “White House” Name & Color Change

In a conference held in a small town in Switzerland, minority groups expressed their opinions about the “White House” name and decided that the name applied to the Washington, DC Presidential White House should be changed.

“The conference itself was not enough to decide yet what name and color the White House would have in the future, but it was helpful to point the directions it will be going in regards to its new color and name” said “Black Lives Matter” spokesperson Jay Brown.

According to our sources, the minority groups have decided on the name and color change of the presidential house in Washington, DC, because they think the name and color used since it was built is extremely racist and leans toward the white majority. “And it is not acceptable…” said the president of the USA LGBT community.

You’ll see below pictures of the minorities’ project proposals for the white house’s names and colors change. During the conference, there were some projects presented such as the Black project, the LGBT project and the Pink Girls project… Please click on the images to view the new projects presented.

Danger in the Air: Canada to Purchase 25 Old Australian Fighter Jets

Canada’s Minister of National Defence Harjet Sings Turban is a Sikh man. He has just approved the purchase of 25 old fighter jets from Australia to be added to the Canadian Air Force.

When asked by The Can News about the meaning of this incredible purchase, Mr. Turban said: “Our Liberal government had spent a lot in the Cannabis, same-sex marriage, gay parades and other important businesses, and now our military budget has been compromised”.

The Liberal government originally announced it would buy 18 used Australian F-18 jets to augment the Royal Canadian Air Force’s CF-18s until new aircraft can be purchased in the coming years.  But it has added seven more used Australian F-18 aircraft to the deal.

One of the fighter jets to be purchased from Australia were flown by Crocodile Dundee in his 1988 movie. Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee himself) told the Can News: “G’day! Ow ya goin’ mate?”.

The Minister of National Defence, Mr. Turban also said that these fighter jets were purchased to patrolling the air space of all elementary schools across Canada’s territory.

The lack of military fighter jets’ pilots is no longer an issue for Canada’s air space defence. We have hired school’s bus drivers with a lot of experience in drugs to fly those planes. These new pilots only smoke pot before and after their flights, but never when they’re flying. These guys are the snoop dogs of the future, they are able to spot drugs around any school zone from the air while flying over these schools” – added Mr. Turban.


Body Parts of Saudi Journalist Have Been Found in a Food Truck in KSA

The body parts of murdered dissident journalist JayMight EatHis Kelloggs have been found at a food truck site in the suburbs of Riyadh, capital of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA), a UK-based broadcaster reported on Tuesday.

According to Sky News, the Saudi journalist’s body had been “cut up” and his face “disfigured”, with the remains found inside a sandwich (Donair/Doner Kebab) sold by a food truck parked at a famous square in the the Saudi city.

The Saudi Police Crime Scene Investigators and the Coroner’s crew of forensic pathologists trained in death investigation were at the food truck’s crime scene site for evidence collection. The food truck’s freezer had several body parts clean and ready for human consumption, the police reported.

The Can News interviewed the owner of the food truck – Mr. Muhamed Meatbuyersayev, and he told our reporters that he bought all that meat (body parts) at the local street market. He also mentioned that he was not aware that the meat he purchased was the body parts of a famous person. “I always buy body parts in that market, but I have never had any problems like this one”, said Muhamed.

Canada tightening borders against Muslims

Minister of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship for the Government of Canada – The Honourable Ahmed D. Hussen (nephew of Saddam Hussein) revealed today that Canada will toughen security along the Canadian border, including all ports of entry (POE) such as airports, seaports, riverports, streamports, creekports, roads and rail crossings on a land border.

>> Watch video above: An agent of the Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA), fluent in both English and Arabic, gives a very rough time to a muslim who was just arriving in Canada. You will see in this video above that only after a very meticulous checking on the suspicious man, the Canadian officer was confident enough to let him into Canada.

Minister of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship for the Government of Canada – Ahmed D. Hussen

Ahmed also announced he had ordered tough new security screening for refugee claimants, which is already increasing backlogs at entry points, and added: “I am a muslim myself from Somalia where things are very rough, and I don’t want this kind of people entering Canada. Not today, not tomorrow.”

North Korean Leader’s son sends a strong message to Barron Trump

The son of Kim Jong-un, the young and restless Ping Pong-huh sent a strong and aggressive message yesterday to Trump’s son – Barron Trump “Little Donald”. The video message sent in Korean (watch original video above) was translated to English and published by the main stream media world wide.

Read the message transcription (by Reuters): ” If the United States don’t build a McDonalds™ here in North Korea in the next 2 months, we will strike Y’all with fury, and we will execute great vengeance upon you with furious rebukes; and you shall know that I am the LORD, when I shall lay my vengeance upon you!” said Ping Pong-huh.

Reaction of Big and Little Trump while watching the video message sent by North Korea Leader’s son.

PM Trudeau wants migrant caravan to cross into U.S.

As a caravan of some 4,000 Central American migrants rests in Juchitan, a town 700 kilometres southeast of Mexico City and still many weeks’ walk from the U.S. border, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told President Donald Trump yesterday that he should allow the caravan to cross into U.S. and then be able to keep walking thousands and thousands of miles more in American territory until their safe arrival in Canada.

This is the Canadian spirit, we always welcome international refugees and despite the fact that some might be terrorists, Canada is always willing to cut them a big cheque.” said Trudeau.

In case Mr. Trump accepts Trudeau’s request, the Canadian government in partnership with Tim Horton’s and the U.N. will set thousands of tents serving coffee and poutine to the migrants along their way to Canada. Tim Horton’s spokesperson Timmy Cofeeman Jr. said their company is launching 2 new products to specifically attend the caravan migrants needs: The Caravan Caramel Latte™ and Timbit of-a-Walk-Ahead Poutine™, both by Tim Horton’s.

There’s nothing more Canadian than a Timmy’s double double with poutine!” added Prime Minister Trudeau.

This dude is not doing his job.

The Can News – Ottawa, ON Canada


U.S. President Donald Trump said that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is damaging the pot business in America by legalizing marijuana all over Canada.

Trump told The Can News yesterday that if Canada continues playing dirty games with the U.S., he will increase tariffs on all cocaine, meth and heroin exported to Canada by 87% starting next month.

This spoiled pot-head kid Justin, a follower of Bob Marley’s smoking habits, must be stopped at all costs!” said president Trump.

Canada’s Marijuana Market Now Largest In The World – Watch Video




Dennis Rodman could be the motive behind DPRK’s anger

As Forrest Gump would say “Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get…” and that’s what happened to North Korea’s Leader Kim Ping Pong-Huh?

Mr. Ping Pong-Huh? hosted Dennis Rodman (an American retired professional basketball player) a few times in North Korea all in the name of the basketball game to be introduced and played in that country.

According to some confidential sources, Kim Ping Pong-Huh? went way and beyond his original plans… He fell in love with the basketball player and a few days later they started sharing a room at Mr. Ping Pong-Huh?’ palace.

When the North Korean’s popular magazine “Ping Pong Foxy News” published some images of these two men in their private room wearing pink robes, our confidential sources started to investigate their relationship very deeply.

And fortunately for us, now we have a better understanding of what’s going on with Kim Ping Pong-Huh? and his madness.

DPRK’s leader have tried and tasted Dennis’ rod and can’t live without it anymore, and according to the popular saying “Once you go black, you’ll never go back”, Kim is desperate trying to keep his stud in the house. Because Dennis Rodman doesn’t stay very long in North Korea and neither goes there very often, Mr. Ping Pong-Huh? is going crazy. He’s promised that he would wear only black clothes until the end of his life, and also promised that whenever Dennis takes too long to visit him, he will launch a missile out of North Korea.

If you compare the dates of Dennis’ visits to NK and the missile launches, you will understand that everything makes sense.

Only one question: Why the White House has never thought about it, or if they have, why they’ve never told us?


Going to Antarctica?

Before taking a trip to Antarctica, you should know some important facts. There’s nothing to do there and it’s fucking cold. Places like that can be easily found here in Canada and you don’t need to spend a lot of money to visit, such as the province of Saskatchewan (nothing to do there and it’s fucking cold too). Another cheaper option a little bit more adventurous than Saskatchewan would be the Arctic.  Here are some of the basic differences between Antarctica and the Arctic:  First of all, they are both below -50 degrees Celsius but Antarctica is colder and windier than the Arctic. The Arctic has trees and indigenous people but Antarctic does not. The Arctic has penguins and polar bears and Antarctic does not. The Arctic has Eskimos and igloos and Antarctica does not. There are towns in the Arctic but not in Antarctica – just research bases. So if you are not a researcher or a scientist, what the hell do you want to go to Antarctica for?



Canada will export Beavers to Asia

OTTAWA – Foreign Affairs and International Trade Canada’s Office: In a continent always prepared for earthquakes, the last 8.9-magnitude temblor caught battle-hardened Japanese off guard. Now China, Japan and many other Asian countries part of the “Pacific Rim” are looking for new alternatives to avoid more damage caused by earthquakes and tsunamis in the future.  The EDC – Export Development Canada announced yesterday that they have made an agreement with the ACPR – Asian Countries of the Pacific Rim where Canada will be exporting beavers to Asia in order to try to modify the landscape of those countries so vulnerable to earthquakes and similar disasters. Beavers are famously busy, and they turn their talents to reengineering the landscape as few other animals can. When sites are available, beavers burrow on the beaches and in banks of rivers and lakes. But they also transform less suitable habitats by building dams. Felling and gnawing trees with their strong teeth and powerful jaws, they create massive log, branch, and mud structures to block streams, tsunamis and earthquakes. Beavers are among the largest of rodents. They are herbivores and prefer to eat leaves, bark, twigs, roots, aquatic plants and other stuff available in Asia, including sushi and sashimi if necessary. Beavers’ average life span in the wild or on the coast is up to 24 years (under sunscreen protection) and they are second only to humans in their ability to manipulate and change their environment.  That’s why these Asian countries are importing two and a half million beavers from Canada next month. The containers (with these precious creatures) are being loaded in B.C. under the supervision of the David Suzuki Foundation and are expected to arrive in Tokyo in the beginning of May. Canada’s government officials said it was a CDN$ 15 million charity deal sponsored by Tim Horton’s (Roll up the pacific rim campaign) and each beaver was sold to Asia for for only $5 bucks – plus applicable taxes such as GST (Government Stands against Tsunami), PST (Planning Seismic Technology) and NBA (North American Beavers in Action). With the help of our incredible beavers, Asian countries expect to have an earthquake-proof landscape built very soon and finally have their problems solved.

No-Fly Zone my ass, says Myyouare GayTough

Myyouare GayTough
Myyouare GayTough

Libyan leader Myyouare GayTough is promising “a long war” against the international military forces that have targeted his troops with airstrikes and dozens of cruise missiles. In a phone call to The Can, Mr. GayTough says he will not let up on the rebellion in the country’s east. He said he has opened up his secret frog-weapons depots to Libyans, and said everyone there is armed and dangerous now.”  Using an offensive war strategy, Myyouare GayTough is combating the no-fly zone imposed by the allies with his own no-fly zone.  Click on the link below to watch the video with GayTough’s secret frog-weapons neutralizing the international airstrikes.

NO-FLY ZONE VIDEO – click here

Royal Wedding – Prince William holds secret bachelor bash

Far from the cameras of the U.K.’s voracious press, the prince bid his single life goodbye in a bachelor party reportedly held in eastern Libya over the weekend. Palace officials confirmed Monday only that the stag party — reportedly thrown by his brother and best man, Prince Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallowsween — had taken place at one of Myyouare GayTough safe houses.  “The party was amazing, lots of rebel girls from the Libyan resistance, tons of cheap oil, grenades and machine guns…Man, we had a blast!” said one of the Royal party guests. The British media has also speculated often about Kate Middleclass‘ bachelorette party plans, with one tabloid reporting that her sister Pippa The Pimp will be throwing a Dirty Dancing-themed hen party bash at the family home in Brixton, a middle class neighbourhood in London, UK.