joe biden

‘Chucky’ Jean-Pierre Now Identifies as Nine-Year-Old, White Boy

Gay, black White House Press Secretary assumes new personality to battle contentious media gallery. Deems all anti-Biden questions as child abuse. 

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Frustrated by a growing chorus of negative presidential media coverage, White House Press Secretary Chucky Jean-Pierre (his previous name is now dead), has come out as an infantilist.
 
Besides being gay, female and black, the embattled spokesperson claimed on Friday he is a precocious, nine-year-old, white boy with all of its “privilege and acclaim, including your lack of respect for questioning anything I say, you meanies,” he said during his reveal in front of the White House Press Corp.
 
“I have been deprived of the true privilege I deserve of a white person due to the color of my skin,” said Jean-Pierre, who has incorporated a novel wardrobe of jumpsuits, long-sleeve tee-shirts and two mini-potatoes for his boxer-briefs. “Don’t let my vagina fool you. Just because the stick isn’t there doesn’t mean I don’t have balls. And I can prove it.”
 
Jean-Pierre paid particular attention to long-time rival and Fox News White House correspondent Pretty Peter Doocy during her announcement.
 
“And you, Mister,” he said, flipping a middle finger in Doocy’s direction. “Suggest I’m a liar again and we’ll take it to the playground sumo-style. I’m now a three-time victim; I’m gay, I’m black and I’m an undersized, white boy. But I’ll still take you down, Douchy.”

President Snooze-Button not concerned about Chucky’s evolution

An hour later, United States President Snooze-Button Biden mumbled, burped and gagged when asked about Jean-Pierre’s announcement.

“Always knew that girl had balls. It’s why I hired her in the first place. Plus her hair smelled like fresh tuna,” Biden said before entering his helicopter for his daily Dippin Dots treat.

“Now she’s a he, what about it, man? C’mon. The only loss I see is I can’t smell that hair anymore. Mhmmm. Fresh, natural tuna.”

Some political analysts suggest this is a keen political move considering a rumor that voter laws will allow all humans within American borders on election day to cast a vote.

“They might be chasing that new, key five-to-nine year old demographic, which is smart,” said former Democratic strategist, Rick Ratface. “Why do you think the President is seen eating ice cream all the time? I think that was an important signal that they are one step ahead of the Republicans in making the U.S. a world leader again; through the bendable will of our youth.”

BREAKING: Hunter Biden’s Laptop Was Used To Pay Off Outstanding Debt At Crack House

The Can News – Delaware, U.S.A.

Hunter Biden’s laptop computer was left by him at a Crack House as payment for his outstanding drug debt one week before it was dropped off by someone else at a Delaware’s repair shop in April 2019. (Scroll down to read more…)

Crack House in the suburbs of Delaware where Hunter Biden left his laptop as payment for his outstanding debt.
Crack House’s basement where Hunter Biden’s drug dealer was living in 2019

According to our sources, the mysterious man who left the MacBook Pro laptop at the repair shop was Mr. Thomas Giggles, a.k.a. Tommy Crackhead. Tommy was under the influence when he visited the repair shop, and he though it was a pawn shop and was trying to get $1,000 for the computer. The repair shop’s owner told Mr. Crackhead that he would be charged $2,000 to get the laptop fixed, and that is why Tommy ran away from the repair shop and left the computer behind.

“Dude, for real… I thought I was in a pawn shop, not a f…ing computer repair joint…” – said Thomas Giggles, a.k.a. Tommy Crackhead who collected Hunter Biden’s laptop as payment.

Both the computer and hard drive were seized by the FBI in December, after the shop’s owner says he alerted the feds to their existence.

Hunter Biden’s MacBook Pro laptop seized by the F.B.I. in December 2019
One of Hunter Biden’s photos recovered from his laptop in December 2019