Trump

‘Trump Cut’ Face Steak On The Cutting Block

2 months ago

Popular New York delicacy triggering Trump Derangement Syndrome induced ‘President Meat-Induced Trauma’

TCN News – Entertainment | Cuisine | Economy

A legendary beef steak known as “The Trump Cut” is at risk of being banned in New York City’s deli’s, butcher shops, grocery stores and restaurants. The mere existence of the menu item is causing widespread emotional distress, say activists seeking its cancellation.

The $147 steak is a 20-ounce slab of dry-aged ribeye, seared to golden perfection and served with a complimentary pair of Trump-branded basketball shoes. President Donald Trump personally endorsed the steak when it first came out on January 6, 2020.

“It’s the greatest steak in the world. Absolutely tremendous. Maybe the best ever,” he said. “No other steak even comes close. That’s what I said when I saw it. I said, ‘Look at this steak. It’s so tremendous. Probably the best ever.’ I said that when I first saw it.”

Critics, however, argue that the steak’s shape, girth, exaggerated marbling and orangy-red sheen bear an unsettling resemblance to the President’s face. For some, the image is so shocking, it is allegedly triggering a subset of Trump Derangement Syndrome called “MAGA Meat-Induced Trauma.”

“Every time I see that steak, my libido drops 73.4 per cent,” said Brooklyn resident and pink-haired vegan Skylar Widebutt. “I’ve actually had to go on testosterone and iron supplements to recover.”

City administrators are reportedly taking the ban seriously. A press release on the subject from New York City spokesperson Apple Cinnamenstorm said they had mental health and public decency concerns. Cinnamenstorm said the basketball shoe promotion – besides causing the slaughter of more cows due to the leather – is a “grotesque display of consumerism” that should be reviewed for “potential restrictions due to over-consumption of bovine products and its relation to Climate Change.”

MAGA Meat prices skyrocket with increased demand

Trump provided a response on Truth Social as expected: “The steak is great. The fat is great. The shape is great. The taste is amazing. Why are they banning it? I think it’s too good, that’s why. A steak in the shape of my face is just too good to eat. That must be what it is. They’re losers; weak people who don’t eat meat. Protein is a kid who plays video games for money to these people. They’re stupid. #makeamericameatagain #MAMA”

Meat retailers have experienced a 400 per cent increase in sales since rumors of the cancellation began. New Yorkers are rushing to buy what they can before the potentially forbidden delicacy disappears. Prices stabilized on March 3 at $175 per cut. Should the issue hit city council chambers, their value is expected to jump even further.

“They a-protesting zee meat, but just zee udder day, Nancy Pelosi herself wazz in here to buy tree-hundred (300) pounds,” said one Manhattan butcher who wished to remain anonymous.

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Canadian Patriotism Spikes Alongside Middle-Class Bankruptcy

2 months ago

Willing citizens set aside logic and home budgets at the behest of a raving Team Canada.

TCN – Toronto, ON

As the trade war between Canada and the United States flares up, proud Canucks are taking that extra step to keep the mirage of the country alive.

With a middle-class now well educated on living below the poverty line, proud Canadians see incoming tariffs as just another way to prove they are “all-in” on financial sodomy. With tit-for-tat tariffs driving up the price of everything from lumber to lettuce, the country’s residents are willingly handing over their debit cards to defend Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s precious post-nation-state status.

Economists are calling it “patriotic insolvency.”

“It’s surprising people don’t remember Grade 8 Social Studies,” said University of Ottawa Professor of Economics Greg Moneymin. “We sell raw materials to the U.S. where they tariff them. They send back finished products and we tariff those. Every time we trade, Canadians pay more. It’s win-win for the revenues of both federal governments. And Joe Beaver from Wilcox, Saskatchewan pays for it all.”

Canucks do their part for soup, sovereignty and absolute insolvency

A multitude of residents north of the 49th Parallel have learned to live on minuscule budgets under a fiscally-retarded Liberal-NDP government. Mark Dumphus is a retired civil servant who recently lost his home to foreclosure. The regular at Windsor, Ont. food banks says his chest bursts with pride every time he sits to his single, daily meal.

“I can’t afford groceries, but that’s just one more way I can show my love for the Maple Leaf and Team Canada,” he said, pulling a thread from the cuff of his tattered 1993 Team Canada hockey jersey. “Yeah, I lost my house. But I have never felt more proud of being Canadian.”

Dumphus collapsed moments later and was sent to hospital. TCN has learned that his National Pride was diagnosed as chronic heartburn from the over-consumption of processed foods.

Other Canadians consider bankruptcy this country’s new badge of honor.

“Americans might have affordable goods, but we have them too. They’re just a little more expensive,” said Vancouver, B.C. resident Julie McAllister, her tin coffee cup half full of nickels and dimes from three hours of pauper-work. “Excluding savings accounts, we have everything available to us that they do.”

Twenty-faced Trudeau crows then cowers

Meanwhile, Prime Minister Trudeau reassured citizens that poverty is just a temporary adjustment in Canada’s path towards globalist enlightenment.

“What is a country, really?” he asked a crowd of supporters at a rally in London, Ont. on Monday. “Borders? Money? These are archaic constructs established by CIS males with self-esteem issues. Nevertheless, we will defeat America in the game they have dominated and perfected for the last 200 years.”

The Prime Minister’s Office immediately sent out an X post sort of reversing the position. “Prime Minister Trudeau misspoke during a rally this morning in London, Ont. To our American friends, allies and financiers; we can’t control him.”

Canadians remain unwavering in their sacrifice, proving that nothing says patriotism like smiling over a bowl of thin gruel at a cold kitchen table.

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‘Diversity, My Ass,’ says President Donald Trump

2 months ago

The Can News – Washington, DC

While Americans are distracted with the price of eggs, United States President Donald Trump has brought together the most diverse team in American history. The federal cabinet buries the fatal leadership of Joe Biden, the country’s first legally-dead president to sit in office.

Meanwhile, the Democrats are no longer keen on the “Diversity is our Strength” brain worm. That, according to many, only works among the lower caste. Farm fields, fast-food joints, telemarketing and transport trucking; where diversity really hits its stride. Basically any job that requires 100 per cent time commitment for $7.25 per hour.

Trump’s opposition sees his cabinet through the eyes of their plantation past. Federal Bureau of Investigation Kash Patel, for example, has far overshot his basic innate abilities to run a 7-Eleven in a mid-size, Illinois city. Scott Turner, who serves as head of Housing and Urban Development, is Trump’s first appointed Afro-American in his second term. However, being a Republican, Turner’s skin pigmentation changes upon taking his oath of office. Cancelled.

Director of National Intelligence and former Democrat, Tulsi Gabbard – according to idiocratic philosophy – better serves the American public surfing the Maui waves and selling hand-braided bracelets on the beach. She comes nowhere near the holistic necessities of the position like her aboriginal counterpart, Senator Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren. The latter’s collection of feathers and lucky stones establishes her lineage as an actual “DEI” hire.

And there are more: Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer, special counsel to Trump and head of DOGE, Elon Musk. For those looking for the “strength of diversity,” it’s there.

But let’s forget racial and cultural miscellany for a moment. There is another theme running through this cabinet that far outweighs the “Diversity is our Strength” model.

Trump has put together the most competent team in American history, nullifying Democrat efforts to create an idiocracy, otherwise known as Obama’s Wet Dream. The days of “Keep the plebs stupid. Boys are girls. The weather is killing us. Diversity is unity,” are almost over.

Trump’s team rests on a foundation of efficiency, efficacy and exactitude. That is three letter E’s, one step further than a D. Diversity is losing its strength.

President Trump’s Triple-E Cabinet: Ditching the douchebaggery

Scott Turner – Housing & Urban Development Secretary – A Blackman in Da House, so it’s good! Oh no! Not so fast, not yet!

Kristi Noem – Homeland Security Secretary – A Native American, but not like Senator Elizabeth Warren – fake Pocahontas…

Kash Patel – FBI Director – An American-Indian Gujarat who will throw his chicken biryani in your face without apologies!

Lori Chavez-DeRemer – Labor Secretary – Hispanic woman who wants to eat churros and kick ass. And she’s all out of churros!

Tulsi Gabbard – Director of National Intelligence – A Samoan woman and one of the three current or former Democrats with full brain function. She doesn’t need churros. She just kicks ass.

Susie Wiles – White House’s Chief of Staff – First Woman to ever be the USA’s Chief of Staff in the White House. Like her hair, she’s white as snow, babe!

Vivek Ramaswamy – Former DOGE co-chair & political candidate. An American-Indian Hindu who can easily tell you to fuck off. Got it?

Pam Bondi – Attorney General – A white and “blondie” ready to fuck DEI’s spectrum of outlaws!

Marco Rubio – Secretary of State – A Cuban-American sending illegal Yankee wannabes back on a boat to Cuba, Ecuador and parts between. No return ticket.

Elon Musk – DOGE’s Advisor – A white Canadian/South African genius with a penchant for spacecraft and fertile strumpets. Boosting our world population one bastard at a time.

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Trump’s Greenland Claim Sparks “International Free Land Flea Market”

2 months ago

Mexico, Russia, China and Canada march onto foreign soil in world’s first land rush since 1492

TCN News – Greenland (soon to be Orangeland)

United States President Donald Trump’s claim on Greenland for security, economic and political reasons has launched the largest global land rush since Christopher Columbus’s arrival to North America more than five centuries ago.

Leaders around the world are following through on capitalizing on what has become the “International Free Land Flea Market.” Anything they deem politically, economically, and conveniently necessary is up for grabs, with various countries racing to all corners of Earth.

Mexico saw an opportunity to expand their burgeoning coffee industry by claiming a remote portion of a Honduran jungle. Known for its rich soil and exquisite coffee beans, the area was quickly taken over by drug cartels. President Trump’s new anti-cartel policies have driven producers out of their home country. Some have already set up sprawling cocaine production facilities in the dense Honduran rainforest.

“Muy buena coca es mucho, mucho, mucho dinero,” said one cartel boss wearing a Scooby-Doo bandana over his face.

“Muy buena coca es mucho, mucho, mucho dinero,” said one cartel boss wearing a Scooby-Doo bandana over his face.

Putin finds paradise on remote Pacific Ocean island

Meanwhile, Russian President Vladimir Putin is emboldened by his apparent victory in the Ukraine. Putin has set his sights on a 40-acre island in the Pacific near Fiji. He plans to create the ultimate tropical Russian paradise where he can lay in a hammock, sip drinks and casually dictate his expanding country’s future via pirated StarLink. A special red button on a beachside lounger’s arm rest, similar to President Trump’s Diet Coke button in the Oval Office, instantly orders an assassination.

“There is no better way to celebrate a war victory than lounging in the sun with a cigar, a vodka pina colada, a bronze call girl, and watching my enemies die in bloody torture through Facebook Live,” he told one assistant.

China simply took Taiwan without notice, reason or opposition. Ever the pragmatist, Chinese President Xi ordered the claim with no fuss, no formalities; just an immediate snap of his fingers.

“It has been there for centuries. We’ve always wanted it. We took it. What you gonna do bout it,” Xi said via translator an hour after raising the Chinese flag in Taipei City.

Trudeau wants some pretty rocks in Michigan

Finally, outgoing Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, known for his impeccable taste in fashion and endless need for groceries, has his eyes on a one-acre stretch of Michigan beach along Lake Huron. The sand at the location is known for it’s variety of pink hues which are popular among tween-aged youth for friendship bracelet crafting.

U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio was quick to respond.

“Governor Trudeau… Sorry, the Prime Minister can eat his socks, preferably as a side to a Trump Cut steak,” he said when stopped outside of his office in Washington, D.C.

It is unclear when and if this free-for-all on international land will end. There have been rumblings that England is placing a huge claim on their entire landmass in an effort to protect it from further decline into Sharia Law.

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Documentary shows why U.S. President refused aid from Australian PM during COVID-19 crisis

5 years ago

A new Netflix™ short documentary shows why the United States’ president refused aid from Australian prime minister during COVID-19 crisis.

© Documentary created by Kacey Baker/Bay Rock Films and produced by Netflix™

Watch the documentary below and find out why the American president couldn’t accept help from the Aussie prime minister.

WATCH BELOW THE SHORT DOCUMENTARY “STAY HOME SAFE”

STAY HOME SAFE  – New documentary created by Bay Rock Films and produced by Netflix™

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Trump calls Trudeau “black-faced”, “scumbag”, “son of Castro”…

5 years ago

The Can News | London, UK

President Donald Trump blasted Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as “black-faced”, “scumbag”, “son of Castro” on Wednesday after Trudeau was caught on an open mic with other world leaders discussing the NATO meeting in London and referencing Trump’s “orange colour”.

The video, which quickly went viral online, showed Trudeau, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, French President Emmanuel Moron and others speaking at a Buckingham Palace reception.

The video begins with Johnson looking toward French President Moron and asking, “Why did he miss the Afternoon Tea with the Queen?”

Trudeau jumped in, “He doesn’t do high teas, he is an orange Crush kinda guy… Just like you Boris”. And they all laughed.

After a cut in the footage, Trudeau adds, “He is more orange than you are, Boris. He must eat a lot of Cheetos too…”

“He doesn’t do high teas, he is an orange Crush kinda guy…“ said Trudeau

Orange is the new Black…

“I might be orange, but he sure has a black face” said Trump about Trudeau.

“Well, he’s black-faced, “scumbag” and “son of Castro…” Trump said of Trudeau alongside German Chancellor Angela MarxWell on Wednesday. “And honestly with Trudeau he’s a nice guy, but the truth is he is son of Fidel Castro and I guess he’s not happy about it. I wouldn’t…”

“I am an orange-faced guy and he is a black-faced dude, but that’s the way it is,” Trump said. 

Is the Cuban dictator Fidel Castro the real father of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau?

Watch the video and decide yourself, but we think Trudeau should go on Maury’s TV Show and get DNA tested. Just in case…

Justin Trudeau or Justin Castro? Watch the video and decide yourself.

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