The Can -About
The Can -About Us

We are located in Ottawa, ON Canada, just across the CSIS – Canadian Security Intelligence Service building, where intelligence matters. For obvious security reasons, we can’t tell you who we are, but they know who we are…

Editor’s Opinion

The Can - Editor
The Can – Editor

On behalf of The Can crew, I would like to welcome you to this website and hope you enjoy reading our stupid articles. Don’t worry if you can’t understand our non-sense humour because it really doesn’t make any sense… If you like our jokes and think they are stupid enough, please check back often for updates and breaking news! You can also subscribe to receive our news and updates by e-mail, just click the button below. Please leave your opinion and comments under our posts, and feel free to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Well, enjoy the ride cowboy and have a good reading!

What people are saying about The Can?

Trump tweeting our news
  • “We CAN make Canada Great Again!” (Donald Trump)
  • “CAN you touch this?” (McHammer)
  • “CAN you fix it?” (Bob The Builder)
  • “Yes, we CAN.” (Barak Obama)
  • “The Can is hot!” (Paris Hilton)
  • “You CAN shave my balls…” (Jessica Yaniv)
  • “Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh. I am on a drug. It’s called The Can.” (Charlie Harper)
  • “The Can is not as dirty as I thought. Thanks for washing…”  (Peter Mansbridge)
  • “The budget CAN balance itself!” (Justin Trudeau)


The Can - Careers
The Can – Careers

The Can – Canadian Airhead News – is a non-profit organization and relies on volunteers’ work to make all this shit happen. If you are High-Shit Qualified and wish to join our shit hole, please send your resume, contact information and a sample of your crap to newsroom@thecannews.com

We’re currently accepting VOLUNTEERS for the following positions:

> Writers

> Proof-Readers

> Toilet Cleaners

> Shit Throwers

> Animators

> Toilet Paper Designers


The Can News – Disclaimer

The Can News is a fictionalized and satirical newsmedia outlet. It contains mature subject matter and is suitable for adults only. Names used in our stories, unless those of public figures or entities, are fictional, and any resemblance to actual persons or entities is coincidental, unintentional, and accidental. It is not intended to be an actual news source but a source of make-believe fictional stories and CAN, at times, be offensive. The content is also not intended to be, nor should it be construed as defamatory, derogatory, or racist in nature, but should be viewed only as parody. Among several other things, The Can also loves the black & the white, the redneck & the redskin, the immigrant & the migrant, the Jews & the Germans, the animals & nature, the Muslims & the Christians, the English & the French, men & women, the poor & the rich, Newfoundland & Labrador, gays & lesbians, transgenders & transmountain pipelines, the liberals & the conservatives, the handicapped & the handymen, hockey & soccer, beer & hot wings, Canadian rye & coke, etc. Everything and everyone is equal, and thus a fair target. This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of issues of humanitarian humour significance. We believe this constitutes a “fair use” of any such copyrighted material. Any content that is unknowingly licensed elsewhere and the licenced party wishes the item removed CAN contact us, with proof of ownership, to have the item removed. All authors, contributors, commenters and viewers of The Can should not be held responsible for what they wrote, heard, smelled, thought, ate, talked about or read when it relates to The Can.

The Can News – Spreading funny news since 2011