Mexico, Russia, China and Canada march onto foreign soil in world’s first land rush since 1492
TCN News – Greenland (soon to be Orangeland)
United States President Donald Trump’s claim on Greenland for security, economic and political reasons has launched the largest global land rush since Christopher Columbus’s arrival to North America more than five centuries ago.
Leaders around the world are following through on capitalizing on what has become the “International Free Land Flea Market.” Anything they deem politically, economically, and conveniently necessary is up for grabs, with various countries racing to all corners of Earth.
Mexico saw an opportunity to expand their burgeoning coffee industry by claiming a remote portion of a Honduran jungle. Known for its rich soil and exquisite coffee beans, the area was quickly taken over by drug cartels. President Trump’s new anti-cartel policies have driven producers out of their home country. Some have already set up sprawling cocaine production facilities in the dense Honduran rainforest.
“Muy buena coca es mucho, mucho, mucho dinero,” said one cartel boss wearing a Scooby-Doo bandana over his face.
“Muy buena coca es mucho, mucho, mucho dinero,” said one cartel boss wearing a Scooby-Doo bandana over his face.
Putin finds paradise on remote Pacific Ocean island
Meanwhile, Russian President Vladimir Putin is emboldened by his apparent victory in the Ukraine. Putin has set his sights on a 40-acre island in the Pacific near Fiji. He plans to create the ultimate tropical Russian paradise where he can lay in a hammock, sip drinks and casually dictate his expanding country’s future via pirated StarLink. A special red button on a beachside lounger’s arm rest, similar to President Trump’s Diet Coke button in the Oval Office, instantly orders an assassination.
“There is no better way to celebrate a war victory than lounging in the sun with a cigar, a vodka pina colada, a bronze call girl, and watching my enemies die in bloody torture through Facebook Live,” he told one assistant.
China simply took Taiwan without notice, reason or opposition. Ever the pragmatist, Chinese President Xi ordered the claim with no fuss, no formalities; just an immediate snap of his fingers.
“It has been there for centuries. We’ve always wanted it. We took it. What you gonna do bout it,” Xi said via translator an hour after raising the Chinese flag in Taipei City.
Trudeau wants some pretty rocks in Michigan
Finally, outgoing Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, known for his impeccable taste in fashion and endless need for groceries, has his eyes on a one-acre stretch of Michigan beach along Lake Huron. The sand at the location is known for it’s variety of pink hues which are popular among tween-aged youth for friendship bracelet crafting.
U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio was quick to respond.
“Governor Trudeau… Sorry, the Prime Minister can eat his socks, preferably as a side to a Trump Cut steak,” he said when stopped outside of his office in Washington, D.C.
It is unclear when and if this free-for-all on international land will end. There have been rumblings that England is placing a huge claim on their entire landmass in an effort to protect it from further decline into Sharia Law.
