Canada

Search for Justin Trudeau has ended, he came out of the closet this morning

OTTAWA: Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau search ends in joy. After several days missing, he was found alive and unharmed out of the closet.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his family have left their home in the national’s capital Ottawa for a secret location as up to 50,000 truckers gathered to protest against the country’s vaccine mandate and Covid lockdowns. Days earlier, he had called the truckers headed for the city a ‘small fringe minority’ before the convoy of thousands of vehicles grew up to 100 km long as it made its way to the capital.

Images above released by the RCMP after the Prime Minister was rescued by a Royal Canadian Airforce helicopter this morning.

“I really thought it was a ‘small fringe’, but when I saw those huge rigs and the big drivers I realized that it was something I could not control. It was the biggest display of manhood and masculinity I have ever seen and enjoyed. I felt attracted to those bearded and muscular men honking at me. That’s why I had to leave town, otherwise my wife Sophie would find out about my feelings towards those guys. And the rest is history…” – said the PM Justin Trudeau.

I really thought it was a ‘small fringe’, but when I saw those huge rigs and the big drivers… I realized that it was something I could not control…” – said Trudeau

TRUDEAU: “It was the biggest display of manhood and masculinity I have ever seen and enjoyed. I felt attracted to those bearded and muscular truckers honking at me. That’s why I had to leave town…”

Trudeau’s International Affair with France’s President Emmanuel Macron

Two hours after PM Justin Trudeau came out of the closet, the Interpol’s surveillance team released intriguing and secret photos of Trudeau-Macron international love affair to the media.

The Devious Art of Lying: The Affair with NDP’s Leader Tom Mulcair in 2016

Don’t Blame Him. The Signs Were All There.

You have two ways to sit down. The men’s way and the ladies’ way…

Fauci: U.S. Forces should not be sent to Ukraine until all Russian troops are “fully vaccinate”

Fully vaccinated and masked soldiers ready to leave U.S. soil

CDC’s Dr. Anthony Fauci strongly urges President Biden to not send U.S. Forces to Ukraine until all Russian troops are “fully vaccinate” and “double-masked”.

Washington, DC: Tensions have soared in recent weeks, as the United States and its NATO allies expressed concern that a buildup of about 100,000 Russian troops near Ukraine signaled that Moscow planned to invade its ex-Soviet neighbour.

During a press conference this morning, Dr. Anthony Fauci – Chief Medical Advisor to the President of the United States said this is not the best time for the U.S. military engage in a war against Russia. According to Dr. Fauci, Russia is not following the ROE-19 (Covid – Rules of Engagement) protocols implemented by the CDC last November. Currently, 95% of Russian troops are not double-vaccinated and 100% of their military personnel won’t wear masks in case of a war.

“This war could be unfair and ugly if Russia refuses to follow the CDC guidelines. Going to a war against the Russians under these circumstances could open the doors for new Covid variants, and put American soldiers’ lives at unnecessary risk in overcrowded field hospitals in the war zone. And I don’t think our soldiers are prepared for this kind of ordeal…” said Dr. Fauci.

“American troops could be decimated by maskless and unvaccinated Russian soldiers even before the first shot is fired…” added Dr. Fauci.

Dr. Anthony Fauci also recommended that in case of a war, troops must keep their 6ft social distance at all times before, during and after battles. “The worst thing that can happen during a war is having our troops coughing or sneezing around the enemies. And if you don’t have a tissue, cough or sneeze into your elbow, not your hands, soldier!” – Faucy commented.

Fauci: American troops could be decimated by maskless and unvaccinated Russian soldiers even before the first shot is fired…

ROE-19 Sanitary Guidelines

As per ROE-19 sanitary guidelines, all military weapons and equipment (except for weapons of mass destruction) must be cleaned and sanitized at all times. In addition to routine cleaning, these armaments must be kept 6ft away from enemies. Shared spaces such as barracks, buffer zones, dugouts and trenches should be cleaned and disinfected more often using surface virucidal disinfectants, such as 0.05% sodium hypochlorite (NaClO) and products based on ethanol. 

The U.S. Department of Defense’s spokesperson told The Can News that they will review Dr. Fauci’s recommendations and the ROE-19 protocols prior to sending the troops to Ukraine. “During war times, “safety” is our major concern…” said the DOD spokesperson.

“Mother Russia’s soldiers will only take shots of vodka, and that’s not negotiable…” – said Vladimir Putin

Photos below: Fully-vaccinated and masked, American troops are following all ROE-19 protocols

CANADA TO FOLLOW DR. FAUCI’S WAR GUIDELINES

Photo: Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Dr. Theresa Tam during a press conference this afternoon

Ottawa: Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Theresa Tam just confirmed that Canada will be following Dr. Anthony Fauci’s ROE-19 protocols and will not send their troops to Ukraine until all Russian soldiers are fully-vaccinated and completely masked.

“It’s a risk we are not willing to take…” said Dr. Tam.

Dr. Tam went even further to say that Canadian troops engaged in a war will also be required to wear masks during sexual intercourse in the barracks and/or trenches. “You know, casual sex is very common in times of war. Doesn’t matter if your partner is a rank above you or below you, or if your partner likes being on the top, or under… the important thing is that all military sexual partners should wear masks during sex despite the number of partners involved… it could be just a couple of soldiers, or a senior officers’ threesome, or even an army swing party…who knows?”

Watch below Dr. Theresa Tam’s video explaining the importance and effectiveness of wearing a mask during sex intercourse.

Video credit: Ben Bankas – Dr. Theresa Tam’s video explaining the importance and effectiveness of wearing a mask during sex intercourse.

> Click here to go to The Can News home page

Greta Thundericeberg considered the natural choice to replace Scheer

Ottawa, ON | The Can News

Scheer announced his decision at a surprise caucus meeting before heading into the House of Commons. His resignation comes as a direct result of new revelations that he was using Conservative Party money to pay for his children’s private schooling, according to Conservative sources who spoke with the Can News.

Scheer resigned today and his children will start attending residential school next week.

Scheers’ kids were attending private school because he doesn’t trust the public system, and thought it was time for his children to get ahead. Unfortunately for him, now his children are in custody of Canada’s Social Services and they will start attending residential school next week.

We need to isolate these children from the bad influence of their father…” said Ramadan Hussein – Minister of Families, Children and Social Development.

After cheating in the 2017 CPC leadership race, Scheer celebrates his victory under a rain of 141,000 destroyed ballots, making an official recount unlikely.

WHY IS SHE THE NATURAL CHOICE TO REPLACE HIM AS THE PARTY LEADER?

Greta and Andrew Scheer have lots in common says a Conservative MP

Moments after Andrew Scheer announced Thursday his intention to resign as Conservative party leader, speculation turned to who will replace him.

According to Rona AmhomeDepose – former interim leader of the Conservative Party – Greta Thundericeberg has been considered the natural choice to replace Andrew Scheer as the party leader. “Greta is young and there are a lot of similarities between her and Andrew…” said Rona.

During an interview earlier today, Andrew Scheer commented that Ms. Thundericeberg will have his 100% support. “It’s time for her to get ahead!” said Mr. Scheer.

But what Greta and Andrew have in common? Almost everything.

Scheer told Greta: “Hey girl, it’s time for you to get ahead.”

Here’s a small list of their similarities:

  • They are young and both are not fit for the position they occupy
  • They both think children should not attend public school
  • They’ve never really worked outside politics
  • Neither of them is an insurance broker
  • They are both political puppets
  • She cheated at school and he cheated at the CPC leadership race
  • They both want to keep Canada under the Paris Agreement
  • She lies. He lies too.
  • They hate winter, otherwise she’d stay in Sweden and he’d stay in SK
  • They both have problems answering off-script questions
  • He has dual citizenship. She has dual personality.
  • They both despise Donald Trump (well… all Liberals do.)
The international mascot for climate alarmism and the CPC mascot for the 2019 elections

Regardless of the predictions, Andrew Scheer is moving on and will likely enjoy a well-earned rest with his family and friends over the holidays. The last several weeks must have been hell for him, and few people realize just how brutal, demoralizing and exhausting life in politics can be. We suspect the outgoing leader will wake up tomorrow having a terrible hangover after having several beers with his buddies this evening. (photo below)

Andrew Scheer having a boys’ night out with his buddies at the “No Bacon Grill & Beard” on Clarence Street in Ottawa, ON.

Trump calls Trudeau “black-faced”, “scumbag”, “son of Castro”…

The Can News | London, UK

President Donald Trump blasted Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as “black-faced”, “scumbag”, “son of Castro” on Wednesday after Trudeau was caught on an open mic with other world leaders discussing the NATO meeting in London and referencing Trump’s “orange colour”.

The video, which quickly went viral online, showed Trudeau, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, French President Emmanuel Moron and others speaking at a Buckingham Palace reception.

The video begins with Johnson looking toward French President Moron and asking, “Why did he miss the Afternoon Tea with the Queen?”

Trudeau jumped in, “He doesn’t do high teas, he is an orange Crush kinda guy… Just like you Boris”. And they all laughed.

After a cut in the footage, Trudeau adds, “He is more orange than you are, Boris. He must eat a lot of Cheetos too…”

He doesn’t do high teas, he is an orange Crush kinda guy… said Trudeau

Orange is the new Black…

“I might be orange, but he sure has a black face” said Trump about Trudeau.

“Well, he’s black-faced, “scumbag” and “son of Castro…” Trump said of Trudeau alongside German Chancellor Angela MarxWell on Wednesday. “And honestly with Trudeau he’s a nice guy, but the truth is he is son of Fidel Castro and I guess he’s not happy about it. I wouldn’t…”

“I am an orange-faced guy and he is a black-faced dude, but that’s the way it is,” Trump said. 


Is the Cuban dictator Fidel Castro the real father of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau?

Watch the video and decide yourself, but we think Trudeau should go on Maury’s TV Show and get DNA tested. Just in case…

Justin Trudeau or Justin Castro? Watch the video and decide yourself.

Trudeau’s New Cabinet: As useless as male nipples

The Can News | Ottawa, ON

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced last week the new members of Cabinet following the swearing-in ceremony. The new cabinet is excessively large, useless and not as diverse as you could imagine.

Justin Trudeau pretending he is inspecting the honour guard

Racial and Gender Breakdown of Trudeau’s New Cabinet

Despite its enormous size, the new cabinet not only lacks diversity but also competence. It may look pretty and colourful at first, but 30 out of the 37 ministers are white, and for that reason some critics refer to it as “white-supremacist cabinet”.

Photo: Member of the LGBTQ2STUVXZ community gets angry after learning that Trudeau’s new cabinet is non-inclusive.

The new cabinet is also male-dominated, including 19 men and only 18 women, and if that wasn’t enough there aren’t any gays, transgenders, pedophiles or zoophiles in Trudeau’s cabinet. Unless some of the ministers are still hiding in the closet (or cabinet). The lack of gender diversity in the new cabinet roster had infuriated the LGBTQ2STUVXZ community in Canada.

Even my cabinet is more colourful and inclusive than Trudeau’s… said Leo Varadkar, Ireland’s Prime Minister (photo)

Who’s who in Justin Trudeau’s 2019 cabinet

The Can News has compiled below some facts and curiosities about 16 of the 37 members of cabinet. We didn’t want to waste our time writing about the other 21 ministers. Don’t worry, even Trudeau doesn’t know all of them.

Chrystia Freakland

Minister of Prime Minister’s Short Term Affairs

Her job is to keep all the PM’s short-term extramarital affairs as discreet as possible.

Bill Moroneau

Minister of Finance & Budget Balances Itself

He wasn’t happy leaving Canada with a $19 billion deficit and now he’s back to make it bigger than ever. Damage Level: Woman’s shopping spree

Jessica Yaniv

Minister of the Human Rights Tribunal, Transgenders & Brazilian Wax

The twisted Twitter celebrity brings a complete package for Brazilian Waxing and vast experience in the B.C. tribunals.

LeNoir LeBlanc

Minister of the Queen’s Private Parts Council

He will be performing this important and difficult task, facilitating all Lieutenant Governors’ jobs.

Cunterine McKenna

Minister of Infrastructure and Communities

As the Minister of Climate Change she couldn’t build anything, but now she has the license to build everything she wants (unlimited carbon emissions).

Inspector David Clouseau

Minister of Justice & Attorney General

A decade ago, meningitis left Mr. Clouseau mute, deaf and blind, making him the ideal candidate to replace Jody Wilson-Raybould.

Bardish Kitchendish

Minister of Diversity, Inclusion and Youth

She will make sure that our youth & children are always exposed to diversity and porn at school.

HairHid Shazam!

Minister of International Defence

Once again, his job is to keep Canada’s borders always open and welcoming, and protect international minorities and refugees.

Joyce Betray

Minister of Digital Government

She is in charge of the deep state and the government’s dark web, hiding all criminal and illegal activities the PM is engaged in.

Jean-Yves Saint Laurent

Minister of Wine & Cheese Board

Chef Jean is also an experienced sommelier who takes care of Trudeau’s private parties aboard the  Royal Canadian Air Force jet.

Monalisa Bombardier

Minister of Middle Class Disparity

Getting our middle class even more screwed is part of her game. She’ll increase and introduce new taxes such as incumming tax and bare assets tax.

Pablo Al Pacino

Leader of Government in Hollywood

He is the connection between Trudeau and the climate activist celebrities in Hollywood.

Debit Schulte

Minister of Senior Hoarders

She is the mastermind behind the new tax for seniors. From now on, seniors will be taxed $5 (non-deductible) for every pound of hoarding items.

Climatean Wilkinson

Minister of Environment and Climate Change

He has the impossible mission of fighting a losing battle with mother nature. So he will keep wasting our money attending the Paris Accord meetings.

MarIran Monsef

Minister of Women, Gender Equality, & Rural Economic Development

Her job is to promoting Canadian women migration to rural areas where more development is needed while keeping transgenders safe in the big cities.

Old Red Riding Hood Bennet

Minister of Crown, Bridges & Dentures for Indigenous Communities

Former Minister of Public Health and dentist, Dr. Bennet will take care of our indigenous’ oral health.

Don Cherry is the New Face of KFC

The Can News – Ottawa, ON

Don Cherry who was fired last week as the longtime face of Hockey Night in Canada after making controversial remarks about Opium poppies, signed today an 8-figure contract with KFC and will be the company’s new face for the next 2 years.

According to KFC, the company has been looking for a new person to replace the old Colonel Bernie Sanders (photo) since he became mentally ill in 2016.

What really happened in the Coach’s Corner? Read below the transcript released by CSIS yesterday:

Don Cherry: “You animals … you love our way of life…

The cow and the bee: “You people… you love our milk and honey, at least you could pay us a couple of bucks for that…

Don Cherry (angry): “Honey, these guys in Canada are already paying the biggest price for milk.”

Greta Thunberg (very angry): “How dare you?

48 hours later: Don Cherry was fired, Greta Thunberg left North America, and the price of milk was still very expensive in Canada.


What’s next for Coach’s Corner?

Sportsnet said it plans to take the long-running segment in a new direction, and will change its name to “Roach’s Corner”.

With the sudden dismissal of Don Cherry from Hockey Night in Canada, there is a lot of speculation about who could replace him. There are rumors former CBC – The National’s anchor Peter Personsbridge, Ronald McDonald, or Star Trek’s William Shatner, may get the job.