Canadians dealing with Carbon Taxes…
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‘Vaxpons’ to hit Canadian shelves this fall
Trudeau-backed vaccination manufacturer dips into exploding tampon market
The Can News – Montreal, QC
Montreal-based vaccine manufacturer National Research Council (NRC) is taking advantage of a newly vibrant feminine hygiene market.
The vaccine manufacturing entity was established two years ago with the blessing of Canadian Prime Minister and vax-cult Grand Puba Justin Turdeau. A year later, the NRC announced their intentions of expanding operations. Plans were to add tampon manufacturing as a subsidiary of the organization.
The move was made in reaction to an instant doubling of the tampon market. In 2023, the Canadian government began installing blood-plug dispensers in men’s washrooms.
Called “Vaxpons,” the new NRC product will contain enough full-coverage vaccine to absorb into the skin of any entry/exit point of the human body.
NRC mouthpiece Nipstim outlines potential Vaxpon side-benefits.
“We are very excited by this technological advance in feminine hygiene options,” said NRC spokesmouth Trent Nipstim.
“We are the first to keep the public safe and COVID-free via over-the-counter cotton products. And we’re leading the world in expanding tampon usage among everyone, regardless of orifice.”
In fact, Nipstim said he was one of the first to be vaccinated through the Vaxpon.
“I’ve been using them for six months and the benefits are numerous,” he said. “I’ve only had COVID twice instead of the average three times per month. Meanwhile, I’ve regained control of my anal fissure issues; and bowel movements are as enjoyable as a pedicure.”
Vaxpon is making headline news in Canada and around the world. The Canadian government is spending millions of dollars in its Vaxpon advertising campaign nationwide, including TV, social media and printed media.
Considering the product is being marketed to a new, penis-bearing demographic, Health Canada has pre-approved Vaxpons as part of a continued effort to feminize masculinity.
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Gender Neutral Dialect Could Become Canada’s 3rd Official Language
Canada’s Minister of Diversity, Inclusion and Youth, Hon. Kitchendish MoveslikeJagger announced yesterday that the Liberal government will be introducing Bill C-69-4U2 in the House of Commons next month in order to amend the “Official Languages Act”, which could make the “Gender Neutral Dialect” another official language in Canada.
Most political scientists are saying that the Liberals will probably have the support of the NDP, Green Party and some Conservatives to get Bill C-69-4U2 passed in the parliament.
Once this bill is passed and approved by the Senate as well, the “Gender Neutral Dialect” will become part of the “Official Languages Act” and will be recognized as one of Canada’s official languages, henceforth the new language will be officially called “Transcreepy“.
Transcreepy /tranz ?kr?p?/ adjective: relating to Canada or its people or language. | noun: One of Canada’s official languages, widely used in many varieties throughout the LGBTQRSTUVXZ world community.
After becoming a Canadian official language, Transcreepy will be taught in all daycare facilities, elementary and trades schools, colleges and universities across Canada, including Quebec.
HOW THE NEW LANGUAGE WILL AFFECT CANADIANS
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told us during an interview that Canada will be investing $3.2 billion on the introduction plan of its new official language. This initial investment will cover expenses such as administrative, infrastructure, educational, promotional and juridical costs necessary to implement all these changes in the public and private sectors, like including the Transcreepy language on the labels of all products made in Canada, road and street signs, Federal Election Leaders’ Debates, government premises, websites and correspondence, among several others.
All traffic warning signs across Canada will be trilingual. The signs should display all warnings in French, English and Transcreepy, as shown in this picture.
“Oh Lord, as if the French language wasn’t gay enough, now they come up with this?” said uncle J. Billy – retired man & hoarder – Thompson, Manitoba
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW TO SURVIVE IN THE MODERN WORLD
Well, learning this new language is the easiest part, you can sign up for Transcreepy classes at any public educational facility. Classes are free of charge when you donate any used women’s clothes, a makeup kit or lipsticks to help the Canadian Drag Queen Association in Nova Scotia.
Learning Transcreepy is not the only thing you need to do in order to survive in this modern world. In reality, the most difficult challenge will be trying to identify the person/people who you are going to use Transcreepy to communicate with. Usually it is easy to identify people who speak other languages by just relying on their physical appearance, for example when you see a white Asian guy eating with chopsticks without dropping the sushi on the table, you will know right away that guy probably speaks Japanese, Chinese or Korean. Or when you go for that morning walk and spot a big nose guy exhibiting feminine mannerisms while holding a fresh baguette under his arm, you know that man speaks French. But turns out to be a whole different ball game and nearly impossible to identify non-binary or gender neutral people who speak Transcreepy, because it doesn’t have anything to do with their appearance. Since you can’t just ask them who or what they are, in order to identify them you will need to be able to read their minds to find out who they “think” they are. “And even if you are able to read their minds and identify them today, tomorrow they might think they are someone else…” says the American illusionist Criss Angel – The Mindfreak.
“…in order to identify them you will need to be able to read their minds to find out who they “think” they are.” says the American illusionist Criss Angel – The Mindfreak.
If you are not a mind reader, there is another way to approach them and find out who they “think” they are at that specific moment. First, keep in mind that it’s not a good idea to ask strangers about their pronouns or sexual preferences. Even though it feels like the right thing to do, be aware that you might be asking someone to out themselves as trans, pedo, zoophilic or nonbinary – which they may not feel comfortable doing, depending on the situation. (Imagine having this conversation in a place other than a mental institution.) Instead, you could start a conversation about pronouns by sharing your own: “Hi, I’m Tracy, my pronouns are she/her and I love having sex with younger men.” The first time can be a little awkward, but chances are good that you’re not nearly as socially inept as you believe you are.
"al'ashkhas aldhyn yatahadathun hadhih allughat yastahiquwn qate rawwasihm!"
“People who speak this language deserve to have their heads chopped off!” said Khalil Muhammachete – Iman at the Mississauga’s Islamic Centre in Ontario.
Jack, Milly and Susie are happy together! 
Some of the most common gender neutral pronouns are Zippo, X, Stiff, Pedophilic and Elf.
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