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Success Proves Udderly Anything is Possible When You’re Teats Are on the Line

TCN – PINCHER CREEK, AB

While online influencers peddle everything from fitness plans to feet pics, a failing southwest Alberta dairy farmer is turning milk into gold with his newly minted cash cows.

Out of loan opportunities and nearing foreclosure, the Pincher Creek area’s Mortimor Richmand launched an OnlyFans account featuring raw, unfiltered and unpasteurized milking content. At first his videos focussed on him and his daily routine. When he started regularly filming both mechanical and manual teat pulling, the audience exploded through the second week of January, netting him upwards of $8,000 per week.

“I just did it on a lark,” Richmand said, chewing an Old Owl cigar and adjusting his rubber boot. “One day I was yanking on old Bella over there and thought, ‘You know, there’s whole lotta Sodom and Gomorrah goin’ on in the world right now.’ Then it clicked.”

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At first, his small audience showed a curiosity about where their dairy products come from. Within days, however, the OnlyFans platform’s primary market – those seeking tits, ass, camel-toe and arm pits – caught on and his account, “MilkMeBaby,” went viral.

“I don’t ask questions. I just take the cheques,” said Mortimer. “The comments have a lot of stuff about my pretty hands, though. Kinda freakin’ me out.”