Gay, black White House Press Secretary assumes new personality to battle contentious media gallery. Deems all anti-Biden questions as child abuse.
President Snooze-Button not concerned about Chucky’s evolution
An hour later, United States President Snooze-Button Biden mumbled, burped and gagged when asked about Jean-Pierre’s announcement.
“Always knew that girl had balls. It’s why I hired her in the first place. Plus her hair smelled like fresh tuna,” Biden said before entering his helicopter for his daily Dippin Dots treat.
“Now she’s a he, what about it, man? C’mon. The only loss I see is I can’t smell that hair anymore. Mhmmm. Fresh, natural tuna.”
Some political analysts suggest this is a keen political move considering a rumor that voter laws will allow all humans within American borders on election day to cast a vote.
“They might be chasing that new, key five-to-nine year old demographic, which is smart,” said former Democratic strategist, Rick Ratface. “Why do you think the President is seen eating ice cream all the time? I think that was an important signal that they are one step ahead of the Republicans in making the U.S. a world leader again; through the bendable will of our youth.”