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Search for Justin Trudeau has ended, he came out of the closet this morning

OTTAWA: Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau search ends in joy. After several days missing, he was found alive and unharmed out of the closet.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his family have left their home in the national’s capital Ottawa for a secret location as up to 50,000 truckers gathered to protest against the country’s vaccine mandate and Covid lockdowns. Days earlier, he had called the truckers headed for the city a ‘small fringe minority’ before the convoy of thousands of vehicles grew up to 100 km long as it made its way to the capital.

Images above released by the RCMP after the Prime Minister was rescued by a Royal Canadian Airforce helicopter this morning.

“I really thought it was a ‘small fringe’, but when I saw those huge rigs and the big drivers I realized that it was something I could not control. It was the biggest display of manhood and masculinity I have ever seen and enjoyed. I felt attracted to those bearded and muscular men honking at me. That’s why I had to leave town, otherwise my wife Sophie would find out about my feelings towards those guys. And the rest is history…” – said the PM Justin Trudeau.

I really thought it was a ‘small fringe’, but when I saw those huge rigs and the big drivers… I realized that it was something I could not control…” – said Trudeau

TRUDEAU: “It was the biggest display of manhood and masculinity I have ever seen and enjoyed. I felt attracted to those bearded and muscular truckers honking at me. That’s why I had to leave town…”

Trudeau’s International Affair with France’s President Emmanuel Macron

Two hours after PM Justin Trudeau came out of the closet, the Interpol’s surveillance team released intriguing and secret photos of Trudeau-Macron international love affair to the media.

The Devious Art of Lying: The Affair with NDP’s Leader Tom Mulcair in 2016

Don’t Blame Him. The Signs Were All There.

You have two ways to sit down. The men’s way and the ladies’ way…

Fauci: U.S. Forces should not be sent to Ukraine until all Russian troops are “fully vaccinate”

Fully vaccinated and masked soldiers ready to leave U.S. soil

CDC’s Dr. Anthony Fauci strongly urges President Biden to not send U.S. Forces to Ukraine until all Russian troops are “fully vaccinate” and “double-masked”.

Washington, DC: Tensions have soared in recent weeks, as the United States and its NATO allies expressed concern that a buildup of about 100,000 Russian troops near Ukraine signaled that Moscow planned to invade its ex-Soviet neighbour.

During a press conference this morning, Dr. Anthony Fauci – Chief Medical Advisor to the President of the United States said this is not the best time for the U.S. military engage in a war against Russia. According to Dr. Fauci, Russia is not following the ROE-19 (Covid – Rules of Engagement) protocols implemented by the CDC last November. Currently, 95% of Russian troops are not double-vaccinated and 100% of their military personnel won’t wear masks in case of a war.

“This war could be unfair and ugly if Russia refuses to follow the CDC guidelines. Going to a war against the Russians under these circumstances could open the doors for new Covid variants, and put American soldiers’ lives at unnecessary risk in overcrowded field hospitals in the war zone. And I don’t think our soldiers are prepared for this kind of ordeal…” said Dr. Fauci.

“American troops could be decimated by maskless and unvaccinated Russian soldiers even before the first shot is fired…” added Dr. Fauci.

Dr. Anthony Fauci also recommended that in case of a war, troops must keep their 6ft social distance at all times before, during and after battles. “The worst thing that can happen during a war is having our troops coughing or sneezing around the enemies. And if you don’t have a tissue, cough or sneeze into your elbow, not your hands, soldier!” – Faucy commented.

Fauci: American troops could be decimated by maskless and unvaccinated Russian soldiers even before the first shot is fired…

ROE-19 Sanitary Guidelines

As per ROE-19 sanitary guidelines, all military weapons and equipment (except for weapons of mass destruction) must be cleaned and sanitized at all times. In addition to routine cleaning, these armaments must be kept 6ft away from enemies. Shared spaces such as barracks, buffer zones, dugouts and trenches should be cleaned and disinfected more often using surface virucidal disinfectants, such as 0.05% sodium hypochlorite (NaClO) and products based on ethanol. 

The U.S. Department of Defense’s spokesperson told The Can News that they will review Dr. Fauci’s recommendations and the ROE-19 protocols prior to sending the troops to Ukraine. “During war times, “safety” is our major concern…” said the DOD spokesperson.

“Mother Russia’s soldiers will only take shots of vodka, and that’s not negotiable…” – said Vladimir Putin

Photos below: Fully-vaccinated and masked, American troops are following all ROE-19 protocols

CANADA TO FOLLOW DR. FAUCI’S WAR GUIDELINES

Photo: Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Dr. Theresa Tam during a press conference this afternoon

Ottawa: Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Theresa Tam just confirmed that Canada will be following Dr. Anthony Fauci’s ROE-19 protocols and will not send their troops to Ukraine until all Russian soldiers are fully-vaccinated and completely masked.

“It’s a risk we are not willing to take…” said Dr. Tam.

Dr. Tam went even further to say that Canadian troops engaged in a war will also be required to wear masks during sexual intercourse in the barracks and/or trenches. “You know, casual sex is very common in times of war. Doesn’t matter if your partner is a rank above you or below you, or if your partner likes being on the top, or under… the important thing is that all military sexual partners should wear masks during sex despite the number of partners involved… it could be just a couple of soldiers, or a senior officers’ threesome, or even an army swing party…who knows?”

Watch below Dr. Theresa Tam’s video explaining the importance and effectiveness of wearing a mask during sex intercourse.

Video credit: Ben Bankas – Dr. Theresa Tam’s video explaining the importance and effectiveness of wearing a mask during sex intercourse.

> Click here to go to The Can News home page

Study: Mask Use Prevented Covid-19 From Spreading In The Wild West

According to recent scientific studies completed at the University of California that were led by Professor PhD. MD D.Sc. D.M.Sc M.P.H. M.S.Chem. MMed Dr. James Coroner, the continuous use of mask by cowboys and bad guys in the Old West was the key to prevent the coronavirus spreading among our ancestors.

The scientific research has also shown that bullets killed more people in the Wild West than Covid-19 and pneumonia combined. Another factor that helped prevent the spread was the practice of social distancing during gunfights, said Prof. Coroner.

Tombstone’s Newspaper ad from 1870

BREAKING: Hunter Biden’s Laptop Was Used To Pay Off Outstanding Debt At Crack House

The Can News – Delaware, U.S.A.

Hunter Biden’s laptop computer was left by him at a Crack House as payment for his outstanding drug debt one week before it was dropped off by someone else at a Delaware’s repair shop in April 2019. (Scroll down to read more…)

Crack House in the suburbs of Delaware where Hunter Biden left his laptop as payment for his outstanding debt.
Crack House’s basement where Hunter Biden’s drug dealer was living in 2019

According to our sources, the mysterious man who left the MacBook Pro laptop at the repair shop was Mr. Thomas Giggles, a.k.a. Tommy Crackhead. Tommy was under the influence when he visited the repair shop, and he though it was a pawn shop and was trying to get $1,000 for the computer. The repair shop’s owner told Mr. Crackhead that he would be charged $2,000 to get the laptop fixed, and that is why Tommy ran away from the repair shop and left the computer behind.

“Dude, for real… I thought I was in a pawn shop, not a f…ing computer repair joint…” – said Thomas Giggles, a.k.a. Tommy Crackhead who collected Hunter Biden’s laptop as payment.

Both the computer and hard drive were seized by the FBI in December, after the shop’s owner says he alerted the feds to their existence.

Hunter Biden’s MacBook Pro laptop seized by the F.B.I. in December 2019
One of Hunter Biden’s photos recovered from his laptop in December 2019

Documentary shows why U.S. President refused aid from Australian PM during COVID-19 crisis

A new Netflix™ short documentary shows why the United States’ president refused aid from Australian prime minister during COVID-19 crisis.

© Documentary created by Kacey Baker/Bay Rock Films and produced by Netflix™

Watch the documentary below and find out why the American president couldn’t accept help from the Aussie prime minister.

WATCH BELOW THE SHORT DOCUMENTARY “STAY HOME SAFE”

STAY HOME SAFE  – New documentary created by Bay Rock Films and produced by Netflix™

Gender Neutral Dialect Could Become Canada’s 3rd Official Language

Canada’s Minister of Diversity, Inclusion and Youth, Hon. Kitchendish MoveslikeJagger announced yesterday that the Liberal government will be introducing Bill C-69-4U2 in the House of Commons next month in order to amend the “Official Languages Act”, which could make the “Gender Neutral Dialect” another official language in Canada.

Most political scientists are saying that the Liberals will probably have the support of the NDP, Green Party and some Conservatives to get Bill C-69-4U2 passed in the parliament.

Once this bill is passed and approved by the Senate as well, the “Gender Neutral Dialect” will become part of the “Official Languages Act” and will be recognized as one of Canada’s official languages, henceforth the new language will be officially called “Transcreepy“.

Transcreepy /tranz ?kr?p?/ adjective: relating to Canada or its people or language. | noun: One of Canada’s official languages, widely used in many varieties throughout the LGBTQRSTUVXZ world community.

After becoming a Canadian official language, Transcreepy will be taught in all daycare facilities, elementary and trades schools, colleges and universities across Canada, including Quebec.

HOW THE NEW LANGUAGE WILL AFFECT CANADIANS

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told us during an interview that Canada will be investing $3.2 billion on the introduction plan of its new official language. This initial investment will cover expenses such as administrative, infrastructure, educational, promotional and juridical costs necessary to implement all these changes in the public and private sectors, like including the Transcreepy language on the labels of all products made in Canada, road and street signs, Federal Election Leaders’ Debates, government premises, websites and correspondence, among several others. 

All traffic warning signs across Canada will be trilingual. The signs should display all warnings in French, English and Transcreepy, as shown in this picture.

“Oh Lord, as if the French language wasn’t gay enough, now they come up with this?” said uncle J. Billy – retired man & hoarder – Thompson, Manitoba


ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW TO SURVIVE IN THE MODERN WORLD

Well, learning this new language is the easiest part, you can sign up for Transcreepy classes at any public educational facility. Classes are free of charge when you donate any used women’s clothes, a makeup kit or lipsticks to help the Canadian Drag Queen Association in Nova Scotia.

Gender-Neutral Pronouns – Definition & Examples Chart. Click on image to enlarge it.

Learning Transcreepy is not the only thing you need to do in order to survive in this modern world. In reality, the most difficult challenge will be trying to identify the person/people who you are going to use Transcreepy to communicate with. Usually it is easy to identify people who speak other languages by just relying on their physical appearance, for example when you see a white Asian guy eating with chopsticks without dropping the sushi on the table, you will know right away that guy probably speaks Japanese, Chinese or Korean. Or when you go for that morning walk and spot a big nose guy exhibiting feminine mannerisms while holding a fresh baguette under his arm, you know that man speaks French. But turns out to be a whole different ball game and nearly impossible to identify non-binary or gender neutral people who speak Transcreepy, because it doesn’t have anything to do with their appearance. Since you can’t just ask them who or what they are, in order to identify them you will need to be able to read their minds to find out who they “think” they are. “And even if you are able to read their minds and identify them today, tomorrow they might think they are someone else…” says the American illusionist Criss Angel – The Mindfreak.

…in order to identify them you will need to be able to read their minds to find out who they “think” they are.” says the American illusionist Criss Angel – The Mindfreak.

If you are not a mind reader, there is another way to approach them and find out who they “think” they are at that specific moment. First, keep in mind that it’s not a good idea to ask strangers about their pronouns or sexual preferences. Even though it feels like the right thing to do, be aware that you might be asking someone to out themselves as trans, pedo, zoophilic or nonbinary – which they may not feel comfortable doing, depending on the situation. (Imagine having this conversation in a place other than a mental institution.) Instead, you could start a conversation about pronouns by sharing your own: “Hi, I’m Tracy, my pronouns are she/her and I love having sex with younger men.” The first time can be a little awkward, but chances are good that you’re not nearly as socially inept as you believe you are.

"al'ashkhas aldhyn yatahadathun hadhih allughat yastahiquwn qate rawwasihm!"

People who speak this language deserve to have their heads chopped off!” said Khalil Muhammachete – Iman at the Mississauga’s Islamic Centre in Ontario.

Khalil Muhammachete - Iman of the Missisauga's Islamic Centre

Greta Thundericeberg considered the natural choice to replace Scheer

Ottawa, ON | The Can News

Scheer announced his decision at a surprise caucus meeting before heading into the House of Commons. His resignation comes as a direct result of new revelations that he was using Conservative Party money to pay for his children’s private schooling, according to Conservative sources who spoke with the Can News.

Scheer resigned today and his children will start attending residential school next week.

Scheers’ kids were attending private school because he doesn’t trust the public system, and thought it was time for his children to get ahead. Unfortunately for him, now his children are in custody of Canada’s Social Services and they will start attending residential school next week.

We need to isolate these children from the bad influence of their father…” said Ramadan Hussein – Minister of Families, Children and Social Development.

After cheating in the 2017 CPC leadership race, Scheer celebrates his victory under a rain of 141,000 destroyed ballots, making an official recount unlikely.

WHY IS SHE THE NATURAL CHOICE TO REPLACE HIM AS THE PARTY LEADER?

Greta and Andrew Scheer have lots in common says a Conservative MP

Moments after Andrew Scheer announced Thursday his intention to resign as Conservative party leader, speculation turned to who will replace him.

According to Rona AmhomeDepose – former interim leader of the Conservative Party – Greta Thundericeberg has been considered the natural choice to replace Andrew Scheer as the party leader. “Greta is young and there are a lot of similarities between her and Andrew…” said Rona.

During an interview earlier today, Andrew Scheer commented that Ms. Thundericeberg will have his 100% support. “It’s time for her to get ahead!” said Mr. Scheer.

But what Greta and Andrew have in common? Almost everything.

Scheer told Greta: “Hey girl, it’s time for you to get ahead.”

Here’s a small list of their similarities:

  • They are young and both are not fit for the position they occupy
  • They both think children should not attend public school
  • They’ve never really worked outside politics
  • Neither of them is an insurance broker
  • They are both political puppets
  • She cheated at school and he cheated at the CPC leadership race
  • They both want to keep Canada under the Paris Agreement
  • She lies. He lies too.
  • They hate winter, otherwise she’d stay in Sweden and he’d stay in SK
  • They both have problems answering off-script questions
  • He has dual citizenship. She has dual personality.
  • They both despise Donald Trump (well… all Liberals do.)
The international mascot for climate alarmism and the CPC mascot for the 2019 elections

Regardless of the predictions, Andrew Scheer is moving on and will likely enjoy a well-earned rest with his family and friends over the holidays. The last several weeks must have been hell for him, and few people realize just how brutal, demoralizing and exhausting life in politics can be. We suspect the outgoing leader will wake up tomorrow having a terrible hangover after having several beers with his buddies this evening. (photo below)

Andrew Scheer having a boys’ night out with his buddies at the “No Bacon Grill & Beard” on Clarence Street in Ottawa, ON.

Trump calls Trudeau “black-faced”, “scumbag”, “son of Castro”…

The Can News | London, UK

President Donald Trump blasted Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as “black-faced”, “scumbag”, “son of Castro” on Wednesday after Trudeau was caught on an open mic with other world leaders discussing the NATO meeting in London and referencing Trump’s “orange colour”.

The video, which quickly went viral online, showed Trudeau, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, French President Emmanuel Moron and others speaking at a Buckingham Palace reception.

The video begins with Johnson looking toward French President Moron and asking, “Why did he miss the Afternoon Tea with the Queen?”

Trudeau jumped in, “He doesn’t do high teas, he is an orange Crush kinda guy… Just like you Boris”. And they all laughed.

After a cut in the footage, Trudeau adds, “He is more orange than you are, Boris. He must eat a lot of Cheetos too…”

He doesn’t do high teas, he is an orange Crush kinda guy… said Trudeau

Orange is the new Black…

“I might be orange, but he sure has a black face” said Trump about Trudeau.

“Well, he’s black-faced, “scumbag” and “son of Castro…” Trump said of Trudeau alongside German Chancellor Angela MarxWell on Wednesday. “And honestly with Trudeau he’s a nice guy, but the truth is he is son of Fidel Castro and I guess he’s not happy about it. I wouldn’t…”

“I am an orange-faced guy and he is a black-faced dude, but that’s the way it is,” Trump said. 


Is the Cuban dictator Fidel Castro the real father of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau?

Watch the video and decide yourself, but we think Trudeau should go on Maury’s TV Show and get DNA tested. Just in case…

Justin Trudeau or Justin Castro? Watch the video and decide yourself.

New Procedure to Change Skin Colour Can Overcome Racism

The revolutionary new DIY procedure to change skin colour created by dermatologist Dr. Hijab Patel can overcome racism, said PhD psychologist Prof. Rosacea Eczema during interview yesterday.

> Watch the DIY Video Tutorial and get the colour skin you want. *As seen on TV

Watch the DIY Video Tutorial and get the colour skin you want

Trudeau’s New Cabinet: As useless as male nipples

The Can News | Ottawa, ON

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced last week the new members of Cabinet following the swearing-in ceremony. The new cabinet is excessively large, useless and not as diverse as you could imagine.

Justin Trudeau pretending he is inspecting the honour guard

Racial and Gender Breakdown of Trudeau’s New Cabinet

Despite its enormous size, the new cabinet not only lacks diversity but also competence. It may look pretty and colourful at first, but 30 out of the 37 ministers are white, and for that reason some critics refer to it as “white-supremacist cabinet”.

Photo: Member of the LGBTQ2STUVXZ community gets angry after learning that Trudeau’s new cabinet is non-inclusive.

The new cabinet is also male-dominated, including 19 men and only 18 women, and if that wasn’t enough there aren’t any gays, transgenders, pedophiles or zoophiles in Trudeau’s cabinet. Unless some of the ministers are still hiding in the closet (or cabinet). The lack of gender diversity in the new cabinet roster had infuriated the LGBTQ2STUVXZ community in Canada.

Even my cabinet is more colourful and inclusive than Trudeau’s… said Leo Varadkar, Ireland’s Prime Minister (photo)

Who’s who in Justin Trudeau’s 2019 cabinet

The Can News has compiled below some facts and curiosities about 16 of the 37 members of cabinet. We didn’t want to waste our time writing about the other 21 ministers. Don’t worry, even Trudeau doesn’t know all of them.

Chrystia Freakland

Minister of Prime Minister’s Short Term Affairs

Her job is to keep all the PM’s short-term extramarital affairs as discreet as possible.

Bill Moroneau

Minister of Finance & Budget Balances Itself

He wasn’t happy leaving Canada with a $19 billion deficit and now he’s back to make it bigger than ever. Damage Level: Woman’s shopping spree

Jessica Yaniv

Minister of the Human Rights Tribunal, Transgenders & Brazilian Wax

The twisted Twitter celebrity brings a complete package for Brazilian Waxing and vast experience in the B.C. tribunals.

LeNoir LeBlanc

Minister of the Queen’s Private Parts Council

He will be performing this important and difficult task, facilitating all Lieutenant Governors’ jobs.

Cunterine McKenna

Minister of Infrastructure and Communities

As the Minister of Climate Change she couldn’t build anything, but now she has the license to build everything she wants (unlimited carbon emissions).

Inspector David Clouseau

Minister of Justice & Attorney General

A decade ago, meningitis left Mr. Clouseau mute, deaf and blind, making him the ideal candidate to replace Jody Wilson-Raybould.

Bardish Kitchendish

Minister of Diversity, Inclusion and Youth

She will make sure that our youth & children are always exposed to diversity and porn at school.

HairHid Shazam!

Minister of International Defence

Once again, his job is to keep Canada’s borders always open and welcoming, and protect international minorities and refugees.

Joyce Betray

Minister of Digital Government

She is in charge of the deep state and the government’s dark web, hiding all criminal and illegal activities the PM is engaged in.

Jean-Yves Saint Laurent

Minister of Wine & Cheese Board

Chef Jean is also an experienced sommelier who takes care of Trudeau’s private parties aboard the  Royal Canadian Air Force jet.

Monalisa Bombardier

Minister of Middle Class Disparity

Getting our middle class even more screwed is part of her game. She’ll increase and introduce new taxes such as incumming tax and bare assets tax.

Pablo Al Pacino

Leader of Government in Hollywood

He is the connection between Trudeau and the climate activist celebrities in Hollywood.

Debit Schulte

Minister of Senior Hoarders

She is the mastermind behind the new tax for seniors. From now on, seniors will be taxed $5 (non-deductible) for every pound of hoarding items.

Climatean Wilkinson

Minister of Environment and Climate Change

He has the impossible mission of fighting a losing battle with mother nature. So he will keep wasting our money attending the Paris Accord meetings.

MarIran Monsef

Minister of Women, Gender Equality, & Rural Economic Development

Her job is to promoting Canadian women migration to rural areas where more development is needed while keeping transgenders safe in the big cities.

Old Red Riding Hood Bennet

Minister of Crown, Bridges & Dentures for Indigenous Communities

Former Minister of Public Health and dentist, Dr. Bennet will take care of our indigenous’ oral health.

TRANS-DUDES: Proud of Beating the Crap Out of Women

The Can News – Ottawa, ON

Women fought long and hard to earn equal athletic opportunities, but because of these trans-dudes, young women are forced to be spectators in their own sports. “We all know the outcome of the race before it even starts; it’s demoralizing,” says American woman, stay away from me. (by Lenny Kravitz)

The girls don’t seem to be really happy, but South Africa’s Trans-Dude Blaster Dementya doesn’t give a damn. 

Males and females are different – duh!

Is it too hard to understand? On average, men have 36% more skeletal muscle mass, according to one study. In general, males are taller, have thicker bones and have greater lung capacity than their female counterparts. Cross-hormone treatment (with all the risks and side effects such treatments entail) cannot fully suppress all these biological competitive advantages. Indeed, the entire premise behind sex-specific competition in sports is the simple scientific reality that, in general, males are stronger, faster and more physically powerful than females. As a result, if males and females are required to compete together, women will almost always lose.

Pow! Right in the kisser, bitch!

There is no excuse for a man hitting a woman, unless he thinks he is a woman…

“You’re out of your mind? It doesn’t make sense to allow men who suddenly decide they are a woman to enter sports competitions against women…” says Joe Rogan, MMA commentator.

New Zealand’s weightlifter Barrel Scabbard – Gillete Venus Ad

 

Body Parts of Saudi Journalist Have Been Found in a Food Truck in KSA

The body parts of murdered dissident journalist JayMight EatHis Kelloggs have been found at a food truck site in the suburbs of Riyadh, capital of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA), a UK-based broadcaster reported on Tuesday.

According to Sky News, the Saudi journalist’s body had been “cut up” and his face “disfigured”, with the remains found inside a sandwich (Donair/Doner Kebab) sold by a food truck parked at a famous square in the the Saudi city.

The Saudi Police Crime Scene Investigators and the Coroner’s crew of forensic pathologists trained in death investigation were at the food truck’s crime scene site for evidence collection. The food truck’s freezer had several body parts clean and ready for human consumption, the police reported.

The Can News interviewed the owner of the food truck – Mr. Muhamed Meatbuyersayev, and he told our reporters that he bought all that meat (body parts) at the local street market. He also mentioned that he was not aware that the meat he purchased was the body parts of a famous person. “I always buy body parts in that market, but I have never had any problems like this one”, said Muhamed.

American Large-Breasted Women Will Pay More Taxes

American large-breasted women will pay higher taxes when purchasing dairy products. President Donald Trump has signed an executive order targeting all women with big boobs in the United States.

Trump said that they need to pay more taxes on dairy products because they already have great milk resources, and buying more is not only wasting domestic milk derived products, but also these women are competing directly against the American dairy producers. “And it’s a shame for our local economy” adds Trump.

Journalists and other critics of the U.S. government said Trump signed that order to specifically cause financial harm to Stormy Daniels who recently put him and his credibility under scrutiny by the public opinion and the justice system.

On the other hand, American dairy farmers are celebrating the new law across the country. Ron Scow from Minnesota said that the president finally targeted the real enemies of the United States, and they are these American big-breasted women who produce 40% of the American milk and weren’t paying any taxes. “Canadian dairy farmers are just a joke comparing to these women…” added Ron.

The Can News tried to contact Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael AveNazy, but he is in prison at the moment for domestic violence. Confidential sources have said that he spanked his wife because she wasn’t providing enough milk for the family.