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CANADA DECLARES WAR ON SAUDI ARABIA

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Trudeau sent a very strong message to Saudi Arabia:

We’ll strike you with fire & fury using our Tweeter messages, and we will decimate you until you beg for your PJs.” said Canada’s Prime Minister.

Canada’s PM J. Trudeau has just confirmed that Canada’s twitter forces will attack Saudi Arabia at any given moment. PM Trudeau said that tweets are going to be sent straight to their souls and hearts and will eliminate all the targets.

When asked about if it was a real war or just a tweeter war, Prime Minister Trudeau said: “This is a real war against Saudi Arabia”. Trudeau also added: “We as Canadians, and Liberals believe that wars don’t need to be won. We just want that the war on words, tweeter words for example, are enough to eliminate a country which is against our principles and morals; and we will fight for that”.

CANADA SECRET WAR PLAN: The Can News’ reporters went further and beyond to find out about the secret plan: Because Canada doesn’t have any military equipment or weapons to fight a war against Saudi Arabia, the Liberals decided that the best war would be on Twitter… So, Canada has hired hundreds of Social Media Experts to fight Saudi Arabia. “Words war”, that’s what said Minister of National Defence Harjet Sings Turban.

Let’s clap our hands!!

Minority Groups Demand “White House” Name & Color Change

In a conference held in a small town in Switzerland, minority groups expressed their opinions about the “White House” name and decided that the name applied to the Washington, DC Presidential White House should be changed.

“The conference itself was not enough to decide yet what name and color the White House would have in the future, but it was helpful to point the directions it will be going in regards to its new color and name” said “Black Lives Matter” spokesperson Jay Brown.

According to our sources, the minority groups have decided on the name and color change of the presidential house in Washington, DC, because they think the name and color used since it was built is extremely racist and leans toward the white majority. “And it is not acceptable…” said the president of the USA LGBT community.

You’ll see below pictures of the minorities’ project proposals for the white house’s names and colors change. During the conference, there were some projects presented such as the Black project, the LGBT project and the Pink Girls project… Please click on the images to view the new projects presented.

Danger in the Air: Canada to Purchase 25 Old Australian Fighter Jets

Canada’s Minister of National Defence Harjet Sings Turban is a Sikh man. He has just approved the purchase of 25 old fighter jets from Australia to be added to the Canadian Air Force.

When asked by The Can News about the meaning of this incredible purchase, Mr. Turban said: “Our Liberal government had spent a lot in the Cannabis, same-sex marriage, gay parades and other important businesses, and now our military budget has been compromised”.

The Liberal government originally announced it would buy 18 used Australian F-18 jets to augment the Royal Canadian Air Force’s CF-18s until new aircraft can be purchased in the coming years.  But it has added seven more used Australian F-18 aircraft to the deal.

One of the fighter jets to be purchased from Australia were flown by Crocodile Dundee in his 1988 movie. Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee himself) told the Can News: “G’day! Ow ya goin’ mate?”.

The Minister of National Defence, Mr. Turban also said that these fighter jets were purchased to patrolling the air space of all elementary schools across Canada’s territory.

The lack of military fighter jets’ pilots is no longer an issue for Canada’s air space defence. We have hired school’s bus drivers with a lot of experience in drugs to fly those planes. These new pilots only smoke pot before and after their flights, but never when they’re flying. These guys are the snoop dogs of the future, they are able to spot drugs around any school zone from the air while flying over these schools” – added Mr. Turban.

 

Body Parts of Saudi Journalist Have Been Found in a Food Truck in KSA

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The body parts of murdered dissident journalist JayMight EatHis Kelloggs have been found at a food truck site in the suburbs of Riyadh, capital of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA), a UK-based broadcaster reported on Tuesday.

According to Sky News, the Saudi journalist’s body had been “cut up” and his face “disfigured”, with the remains found inside a sandwich (Donair/Doner Kebab) sold by a food truck parked at a famous square in the the Saudi city.

The Saudi Police Crime Scene Investigators and the Coroner’s crew of forensic pathologists trained in death investigation were at the food truck’s crime scene site for evidence collection. The food truck’s freezer had several body parts clean and ready for human consumption, the police reported.

The Can News interviewed the owner of the food truck – Mr. Muhamed Meatbuyersayev, and he told our reporters that he bought all that meat (body parts) at the local street market. He also mentioned that he was not aware that the meat he purchased was the body parts of a famous person. “I always buy body parts in that market, but I have never had any problems like this one”, said Muhamed.

American Large-Breasted Women Will Pay More Taxes

Economy/feature/North America by

American large-breasted women will pay higher taxes when purchasing dairy products. President Donald Trump has signed an executive order targeting all women with big boobs in the United States.

Trump said that they need to pay more taxes on dairy products because they already have great milk resources, and buying more is not only wasting domestic milk derived products, but also these women are competing directly against the American dairy producers. “And it’s a shame for our local economy” adds Trump.

Journalists and other critics of the U.S. government said Trump signed that order to specifically cause financial harm to Stormy Daniels who recently put him and his credibility under scrutiny by the public opinion and the justice system.

On the other hand, American dairy farmers are celebrating the new law across the country. Ron Scow from Minnesota said that the president finally targeted the real enemies of the United States, and they are these American big-breasted women who produce 40% of the American milk and weren’t paying any taxes. “Canadian dairy farmers are just a joke comparing to these women…” added Ron.

The Can News tried to contact Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael AveNazy, but he is in prison at the moment for domestic violence. Confidential sources have said that he spanked his wife because she wasn’t providing enough milk for the family.

PM Trudeau wants migrant caravan to cross into U.S.

As a caravan of some 4,000 Central American migrants rests in Juchitan, a town 700 kilometres southeast of Mexico City and still many weeks’ walk from the U.S. border, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told President Donald Trump yesterday that he should allow the caravan to cross into U.S. and then be able to keep walking thousands and thousands of miles more in American territory until their safe arrival in Canada.

This is the Canadian spirit, we always welcome international refugees and despite the fact that some might be terrorists, Canada is always willing to cut them a big cheque.” said Trudeau.

In case Mr. Trump accepts Trudeau’s request, the Canadian government in partnership with Tim Horton’s and the U.N. will set thousands of tents serving coffee and poutine to the migrants along their way to Canada. Tim Horton’s spokesperson Timmy Cofeeman Jr. said their company is launching 2 new products to specifically attend the caravan migrants needs: The Caravan Caramel Latte™ and Timbit of-a-Walk-Ahead Poutine™, both by Tim Horton’s.

There’s nothing more Canadian than a Timmy’s double double with poutine!” added Prime Minister Trudeau.

This dude is not doing his job.

The Can News – Ottawa, ON Canada

THIS KID WANTS A TRADE-CARTEL WAR WITH THE UNITED STATES

U.S. President Donald Trump said that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is damaging the pot business in America by legalizing marijuana all over Canada.

Trump told The Can News yesterday that if Canada continues playing dirty games with the U.S., he will increase tariffs on all cocaine, meth and heroin exported to Canada by 87% starting next month.

This spoiled pot-head kid Justin, a follower of Bob Marley’s smoking habits, must be stopped at all costs!” said president Trump.

Canada’s Marijuana Market Now Largest In The World – Watch Video

 

 

 

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